Pushed Too Far
by SdaisyS
Summary: Anastasia knew Christian was controlling going in, but what happens when she's pushed too far? Set after Teddy, but before Phoebe. *WARNING: This IS a CHEAT fic! If you don't like CHEAT fics, do not read/review, you wont like this story! This IS a CHEAT fic!* [HEA for CG/AG] NO BETA used, as always, all mistakes are mine. {I don't own FSoG}
1. On The Edge

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

I'm jogging along a path with Sawyer hot on my heels. I'm almost never alone, not since before Christian, but I needed time to think and running seems to help me do that.

I knew Christian was controlling, he _is_ a dominant for goodness sake, I just didn't know that need for control was so overpowering. He tells me that I'm everything he needs, but I've always feared I wouldn't be enough for him. Surely he would rather have the perfect little submissive at his feet, one that would obey him, never to cross some arbitrary line.

I mean, it's been two years and I still get emotional when I recall what he said to me after I told him I was pregnant.

 _"This is why. This is why I like control," He growled at me so angrily and loud, "So shit like this doesn't come along and fuck everything up!"_

I know he was terrified to be a father, but it still hurt to hear him say that, and for him to accuse me of getting pregnant on purpose. It felt like a dagger to my heart, especially when he walked out.

It's gotten worse since we had Teddy, and we even had to move back to Escala because a single male neighbor moved in next door to us. He may have lived next door, but that was still quite the distance from us. It's crazy that Christian was so jealous of this neighbor, whom I've never even met, that he relocated his family when the guy refused to sell Christian his home. I don't see how Escala is any better, it's an apartment building, but Christian's excuse was it's closer to Grey House.

I've already agreed to give up my dream job of being an editor after I had Teddy. I worked during my pregnancy and from home as I got further along, but once Teddy was born, Christian didn't want me to return. He said he made enough to take care of his family, he wanted to take care of us, and people would disapprove of me working.

What happened to the day when he would say, "I don't give a fuck what people think", or, "I like to keep my personal life private". I didn't understand why me returning to work, even part-time, would be a problem, but it was so I agreed to stop working. I suspect it was because there was a new editor that would flirt with me, but the old man was married and harmless.

Now I edit fanfiction as my hobby.

It sounds like I'm complaining about my life, and in a way I guess I am, but he's really been getting on my nerves lately with this controlling crap. It's fun and sexy in the Playroom, but I'm not his submissive, I'm his wife. It's like our marriage has no communication at all, just him dictating me.

Maybe it's because we married so soon after meeting, not even enough time to get to know each other but we were in love, still are, and Christian said we can get to know each other while we're married.

Two years later, and we're still-

"Mrs. Grey."

I only have one earbud in, per Christian's orders, so I can hear if there is a threat or if Sawyer needs to gain my attention, so I pull it out when I hear him call my name.

I'm still panting as I slow to a stop and turn to face him.

I'm slightly jealous that the jog hasn't effected him as it has me.

He's holding my phone, I have him hold it while I run because he has pockets.

"It's Mr. Grey, ma'am." He tells me.

I reach for the phone as I try to calm my breathing and answer.

"Hi, Christian." I pant. "What's up?"

 _"Where are you?"_ His sexy voice bellows through the phone. It's his sexy CEO/Dom tone, and as much as I love hearing it, I'm confused as to why he is now. _"I came home for lunch and you're not here."_

"I'm at the park," I answer him even though I'm sure Sawyer already informed him of this. "I'm just running laps, is all."

 _"You should be home, you know that."_

"Why?"

 _"Anastasia, our son is here, this is where you need to be, not at some park playing around."_

It feels as if he is treating me like a child, again. I hate when he makes me feel this way.

"Christian, Teddy is napping and Gail is there-" I try to explain, but he interrupts me.

 _"Mrs. Taylor is not his mother, Anastasia, you are."_

"I know that, but-"

 _"Come home,"_ He orders, interrupting me again. _"Now."_

"Chri-" I begin only to be stopped because he hung up.

I huff as I hand Sawyer back my phone.

I know I don't have to tell him we're going home, he was probably given orders before he even gave me the phone.

Instead of saying anything, I jog towards the SUV. I like to have a faster way of getting home if anything were to happen so we always bring it.

Sawyer opens my door and I climb in.

As he drives, I realize I forgot my water bottle at home and I'm really thirsty.

"Sawyer," I call his attention. "Could you stop at a café or coffee shop, anywhere really, I need to grab a water."

I realize I could get my water once we're home, but I'm thirsty now and I could get Christian a coffee. Hopefully, it will lighten his mood a bit.

"Yes, ma'am."

It doesn't take him long to pull over in front of a small café.

"I'll be right back." I tell him as soon as he parks and then get out before he can do or say anything.

As I wait in line, I brush my crazy hair back into the ponytail it's in using the sweat from my workout to hopefully keep my locks in place. I could only imagine the paparazzi getting a photo of me looking like this.

Once it's my turn, I place my order.

"I'd like a bottle of water, please, and a large black coffee." They have treats in a display case and it gives me an idea. "May I also have a chocolate chip and M&M cookie, and that small slice of chocolate cake?"

The cookie is for my Teddy bear and the chocolate cake is for my man.

They tell me my total and I reach for- _Crap!_ I left my bag in the SUV and I can't ask Sawyer since I left him out there as well.

I'm about to tell the cashier that I'll be right back so I can get my cash, but a masculine voice and a hand with a credit card stops me.

"I've got it."

I turn to stop them, but the cashier has already rung it up.

"Thank-you." I tell the man. "I can pay you back, I left my bag in my car if-"

"Nonsense." He interrupts me. "Allow me to treat you. It's the least I can do."

"It will be just a moment for your coffee, ma'am." The barista tells me.

"Least you can do?" I ask him as we step aside to wait for my order and so others can place theirs.

"For a damsel in distress." He clarifies with a joke.

I giggle as I push back another stray hair.

"If you really want to pay me back, join me."

My eyes snap up to meet his, a delicious looking Carmel color, almost a honey brown.

"I can't." I decline his offer.

"Oh, come on, why not?"

"I'm married." I hold up my left hand to show my beautiful ring that Christian got for me. I swear that was the most romantic proposal in history.

 _"You have my heart..." He told me. "And here are the flowers." I finished for him._

"Damn." The man pouts. "The beautiful ones usually are."

I curse my blush as he calls me beautiful.

"You look familiar." He tells me. "Have we met? We haven't, right? I'm sure I would've remembered."

"No, we haven't met," Though he might of seen me on the cover or inside magazines, pictured with my husband and our son.

My order is up so I tell him thank you one last time as I grab my items and walk outside.

Sawyer is not in the SUV, he's standing on the sidewalk waiting for me. I know he was watching me, and from his view point I'm sure he saw the harmless interaction with- _darn, I didn't get his name_.

Without explaining myself to Sawyer, I climb inside the SUV. I just hope he doesn't report this to Christian, he will overreact and say the guy was trying to get into my panties, and then he may forbid me from going to coffee shops. I'll be a prisoner with no escape.

 _ **~..~**_

I've already chugged half of my water by the time we arrive back at the apartment. My workout may have been cut in half, but I'm still exhausted.

I know Christian is in his office so I juggle my water, his coffee, and the bag with my two favorite men's treats inside, as I make my way there.

"Enter!" He barks after I knock.

When I open the door, there he is, my sexy husband. He doesn't look too pleased, and a little stressed. Work's probably exhausted him again. I wish he would cut back his hours, it's not like we need the money and he did make me quit completely, but I don't want to take that away from him.

"I brought you a coffee, dear." I tell him as I set it down along with the treat bag.

Without warning he grabs me, pulls my hips towards him, forcing me to straddle his lap. I'm still holding the bottle of water so I try my best to wrap my arms around his neck as best as I can with it in my hands.

I bite my lip thinking he wants to fool around before Teddy wakes, but when I look at him his grey eyes are blazing, and not with passion.

 _Shit! Did Sawyer tell him about the guy from the coffee shop?_

I swallow hard and wait for him to snap.

"Why did you leave the apartment, Anastasia?"

"B-because I wanted to go for a run." I don't tell him I needed to think, he'll only ask what I needed to think about and I don't want him thinking I'm running. _Huh, I used a pun_. At least this is about me leaving the apartment and not about the guy at the coffee shop.

"There's a fully equipped gym for you to use here," He reminds me. "And you left Teddy alone."

"I didn't leave him alone, Christian, Gail was here to look after him."

"Mrs. Taylor is not his mother, she is not his nanny, we don't have a nanny, that's why you stay home with him."

"Christian, he was sleeping." I argue, "Still is."

Before he can say more, I kiss him. I don't want to fight about this. He's stiff but doesn't pull away. I continue to give him a million tiny chaste kisses until he relaxes. I drop my water bottle and thrust my hands into his hair so I can deepen our kiss.

Finally, he moans and allows access for my tongue to meet his.

When we pull away we're both breathless. His beautiful grey eyes no longer show the anger he felt moments ago, they are now bright grey, full of lust.

"I have to shower." I tell him. _And yes, it is an invitation_.

I stand and as I do, he smacks my ass.

My moan slips out before I can stop it. _Gosh, I love when he does that_. I giggle as he groans and then I take off running towards our bedroom with him hot on my trail.

"Do you always wear that when you workout?" He asks as we walk into the bathroom together.

"Yes, why?"

"It's a bit revealing, don't you think?"

I frown as I look at myself in the mirror. I'm wearing my cropped skin-tight yoga pants, sports bra, and tank top.

"No," Nothing inappropriate is showing.

"I don't think you should wear that anymore."

"And what do you expect me to wear when I workout? A ball gown with matching stilettos?"

"That smart mouth is turning me on, Mrs. Grey." He smirks.

I am such a lucky girl to be with this incredibly handsome, caring, lovable, just oh so sexy man. I can't believe he wants me, me of all people.

"Sweats." His voice brings me from my thoughts.

"What?"

"I want you to wear sweats."

"Christian, please." I can't help it, my eyes have already done the deed.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" I squirm and bite my lip when I see his hand twitch.

"Yes," My husky voice confirms. "But it's only because you are being ridiculous. I'll get too hot and it's not like anyone's looking."

"They're looking, Anastasia," He says. "Trust me."

"I do."

* * *

 ***Check out** _ **FSoG Fanfic Obsessed**_ **on Facebook; created by lanieloveu & myself***


	2. Isolated

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

Since Christian was so upset that I left Teddy yesterday, today I am bringing my little guy with me during my run, but first I'm going to take him to the playground so he can burn off some excess energy too.

An hour before Teddy's scheduled nap, I get him ready to go. We've just finished lunch, I'm already in my workout gear, and no, it's not sweats, but I need to change Teddy. He likes to wear his pajamas around the house, and since we don't go anywhere, I allow it. However, on the days we are able to leave, I dress my little guy appropriately.

"Us go, mama?" Teddy asks me when I dress him.

It's funny how he knows we're leaving if he gets dressed.

"We're going to go to the park so you can play," His face lights up at my words. "Would you like that, Teddy bear?"

"Uh-huh," He grabs his favorite toy cars. "Us, play."

I giggle at his excitement and continue to dress him.

Once Teddy is dressed and ready to go, we walk towards the elevator where Sawyer is already ready and waiting for us. He's not in his normal monkey suit today since I'm going to run, though he is in sweats.

Another giggle escapes me when I remember Christian wanting me to wear sweats. _Crazy husband of mine_.

We board the elevator with Teddy saying hello to Sawyer the best he can since he still can't pronounce 'Sawyer' correctly.

Once we're in the parking garage, Sawyer opens the back door for Teddy and I, then I put Teddy is his seat and strap him in.

"Is the jogging stroller in the back?" I ask Sawyer to be sure.

"Yes, ma'am." He confirms.

"And you know how it works?" I ask because I have no idea how to open and close the darn thing, usually only Christian uses that stroller. He would take Teddy out when he was a baby to help him sleep. Kind of like a car ride, but they both got fresh air and Christian got in his run.

"Yes, ma'am."

I climb in next to Teddy, then Sawyer hops in the front and drives us towards the park.

 **...**

In no time at all, Sawyer pulls up to the park. Teddy is like a boy at Christmas the way he is eyeing the play equipment.

"Are you ready, Teddy?"

"Uh-huh." He's practically bouncing as I unbuckle him from his harness.

I grab Teddy's hand and together we run to the playground.

He has so much energy, I may not need my run. We're sliding, running, swinging, having a fun time together. I'm hopeful that Teddy will sleep well tonight and he might even crash while I jog, which was my plan and why I timed my jog around this time.

Teddy and I are finally settling down in the large sandbox. He's made a little friend so I'm only interacting here and there, basically when they prompt me or give me a task like holding one of the cars Teddy brought with him. The boy is a few years older than Teddy, maybe four or five, and he's such a little cutie, very polite. He tells us his name is Chris and we introduce ourselves as well.

I look up when I notice a man coming near us, I suspect he's the little boy's father, but then I frown when I see Sawyer in my peripheral vision closing in on us.

"Christian," The man smiles at the boy. "There you are."

"Is everything okay, Sawyer?" I ask because I know he thought the man was a threat.

"Are you ready for your run?" He asks me instead.

"Maybe in a few more minutes," I giggle because he's trying to play it off, but he can't fool me.

I nods, then nods to the man and walks back to wherever he was watching us. We usually don't even know he's with us unless necessary.

"You're very lucky."

I turn back to the man when I hear him. He's now sitting with us in the sand.

"Excuse me?" I don't understand why he would say that.

"Your husband is very handsome." He explains with a blush.

"Oh," I giggle. He must be gay and saw Christian in magazines. "Yes, he is."

"I'm sorry," He quickly apologizes. "I shouldn't of said that."

"No, it's fine. I know he is, and everyone agrees."

We have a little laugh at the subject as we watch our boys.

"What is your name?" He asks Teddy but his son interrupts Teddy.

"His name is Ted like that Dr. Seuss boy."

Teddy just nods his head in agreement and continues playing.

"I'm Ana." I tell him, even though I'm sure he knows who I am. Gosh that still sounds so weird that people know me before I introduce myself. How much my life has changed since Christian.

"Adam," He tells me his name. "And this is Christian, but we call him Chris."

"That's my husband's name." I point out the obvious.

"Speaking of which, he looks like he's ready to pounce."

"Excuse me?"

"Your husband," He explains with a nod behind me.

I quickly snap my head around, expecting to see Christian, a very angry Christian no less, but I don't. I look all over but I don't see him.

"I think he's ready for that run, so we'll let you get to it." He tells me. "Come on, Chris, say goodbye to Ana and Ted."

"Bye."

Teddy and I say our farewells as well.

They get up to leave and walk away. I'm still looking for Christian, but I don't see him anywhere. That's weird, he said he saw him.

Brushing it off, I continue to play with Teddy a bit longer. I wish I had my phone with me so I could snap a few candid moments, but I left it with Sawyer since I don't have any pockets, and I didn't want to put it in my sports bra.

Since it's about time for Teddy's nap and he's already looking like he's ready to crash, I pick him up and walk towards the SUV. Sawyer is already setting up the jogging stroller for me. I set Teddy in place, buckle him, and we're off.

 **...**

As expected, about two minutes into our jog, Teddy has crashed. He's sleeping peacefully while his mama tries desperately to work off the baby fat she feels she still has but is no longer there. _Insecurities._ To be honest, since I met Christian, my body has never looked better. I would blame it on all the sex we have, but it doesn't feel like it should be blamed if you're enjoying it. And I never really exercised before Christian, but I'm enjoying the freedom running gives me now.

Since I'm done with my workout, we're on our way back to the SUV.

I put a still sleeping Teddy in his seat while Sawyer waits for me to be safely inside the SUV before he puts the jogging stroller in the back for me.

It's a quiet ride back to Escala with Teddy still sleeping. I sit next to him, playing with his unruly copper locks, brushing it out of his face. He really needs a hair cut soon, both him and Christian do, but I like the longer look.

Sawyer parks the SUV once we're home and helps me out of the back. Since Teddy is still sleeping I have to carry him as we make our way to the elevator.

Sawyer inputs the code for the penthouse for me since my hands are full and soon we're moving. However, the elevator stops at the lobby floor.

When the doors open the man from the coffee shop yesterday boards with us.

"Hey!" He exclaims when he recognizes me.

"Hi." I smile politely.

"So this is where I recognized you from," He says almost to himself, but he's talking to me.

"I guess so." Even though I've never noticed him before. "I really should pay you back for yesterday."

"No, I told you, it's the least I could do." He grins with a wink.

My view is suddenly blocked when Sawyer steps in front of me.

"What floor?" Sawyer asks the guy in his don't fuck with her tone.

"Oh, sorry, 16."

I didn't even realize he didn't push the button for his floor.

"Where are my manners," He asks me. "I didn't introduce myself yesterday, and here I am today, still not telling you my name. I'm Nate. Nathan Hawthorne."

Very familiar name, I bet he gets that a lot so I don't comment.

"Ana," I tell him my name. "Anastasia Grey."

He tries to shake my hand but since I'm holding Teddy, I can't, so I apologize.

"This is my son, Teddy."

"Adorable little guy." He smiles at my son's sleeping form.

"He looks just like his father," I tell him. "If Teddy didn't have my eyes and I didn't give birth to him, I would think Christian created him alone."

"Wait. Grey?" He says, remembering my name. "You're Christian Grey's wife?" He tries not to sound shocked.

"Yes." I confirm.

Please don't ask me about the enigma that is my husband.

Just then, like a sign of relief, the elevator doors open on his floor.

"Lucky guy." He tells me as he steps off the elevator.

All too late I realize what just happened, and in front of Sawyer no less. He's bound to tell Christian about this exchange, and I can't very well ask him not to without looking suspicious. It was harmless, on my part at least, but if Christian got upset with a single male neighbor enough to move us back to Escala, what will he do when he finds out the male neighbor in our building is talking to me and paying for my coffee.

At least Teddy was sleeping during our interaction.

It's not like I can help it when a man approaches me, they've never done this before Christian so I really don't understand why they are doing it now. Maybe it's because I'm more confident than I was before, I'm glowing now because I'm happy and in love, I don't know.

It shouldn't matter if men look at me though, women look at him all the time. As long as we're faithful to each other, I don't see why he gets so bent out of shape about it. No other man can turn my head the way Christian has. He's tainted me. I may not know the touch of another man, but I don't want to. I want Christian, only him, I love him.

When the doors open again, I take Teddy to his room to finish his nap then I take a quick shower.

 **...**

 _"I never see you anymore, Steele."_ Kate complains to me over the phone while I'm preparing my family's dinner.

Christian is on his way home from work, Teddy is playing with his cars and coloring at the dinning table, and I'm trying to help Gail with dinner.

"I know, Kate," I don't even bother correcting her use of my name anymore. It's been two years, and I think she does it because we share a last name now, I'm not sure, maybe it's to get to Christian because she knows he doesn't like it, but right now we're talking on the phone and he's not here.

"I've just been busy with Teddy and Christian." I tell her as I pick up a sliced green apple from my bowl of the juicy fruit I'm snacking on. "I'll ask him if I can go out with you next weekend, okay?"

 _"Why do you need to ask his permission?"_

"I don't."

 _"But you do."_ She argues.

"He's my husband, it'd be nice if I let him know where I'm going and where I'll be. He worries."

 _"Does he tell you where he is every minute of the day? Do you get reports from Taylor on Christian's movements?"_

I don't bother answering her, but she continues.

 _"In order to please him, you've abandoned yourself."_

"I have not, Kate," I argue. "I'm his wife, we have a family, that's the reason you and I haven't seen each other lately."

 _"And what about a few weeks back when we made plans to hang out? Christian put a stop to that, didn't he?"_

"You don't understand, Kate, you wouldn't understand. You've never really liked him anyway so your opinions are biased."

 _"How can you not see how controlling that man is?"_

Yes, he is controlling, but like I've been telling myself, I knew this coming in. Kate is not helping.

"Teddy needs me," I lie to get off the phone and the subject of a controlling Fifty. "I have to go."

I huff as I set my phone down.

"Is everything okay, Ana?" I hear Gail ask from behind me.

"Yes," _No._

"Are you sure, dear?" She pushes gently.

"Everything is fine." I lie.

I quickly wipe my eyes before I let it get to me and succumb to my tears. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way, my emotions must be out of whack.

Glancing at Teddy, I put on a smile when he pops his head up and grins a mile wide smile, but it's not at me, it's behind me.

I'm about to turn around when Teddy squeals and strong hands wrap around my waist stopping me.

"Daddy!"

"Hey, buddy." Christian tells him.

Then he rubs his nose along my neck, inhaling deeply then leaving a pepper of tiny kisses just behind my ear.

"Hey, baby." His tone much more suggestive when he greets me.

I try desperately not to shiver as his breath tickles my ear.

"Hey," I respond.

He kisses my neck once more before he moves away to play with Teddy.

I stand back and watch as my two favorite men bond.

Christian takes off his suit jacket, throwing it onto the back of a chair before grabbing Teddy and tossing him into the air a bit. He catches him, kisses Teddy and tickles our son all over. I sigh with content as I go back to making our meal with Gail.

 **...**

"So what did you two do today?" Christian asks Teddy and I while we have dinner together.

"Us go park!" Teddy tells his father excitedly. "Me play wif you, mama play wif Adam."

"What?" Christian's tone is quiet, and he doesn't look pleased when he turns his attention to me.

"He met a little friend at the park." I explain. "His name's Christian, like you."

My cheeks are heating as he continues to glare at me, so I take a drink of my water to cool myself down.

"And who is Adam, Anastasia?" He demands.

"H-he's little Christian's father."

Christian clenches his jaw, his cold gaze has me looking down and away from him because I know what he's going to say next.

 _Please don't say it. Please don't say it. Please don't-_

"I don't want you going to that park anymore."

I close my eyes in defeat.

"Christian, please." I beg him. It's the only place I have left where I can go to get away and he's taking it from me.

"No, Anastasia."

I don't want to argue in front of Teddy so I submit, like I always do.

We've finished our meal so I clear the table, but since Gail is on duty during the week, I let her take over cleaning up.

Teddy wants Christian to bathe him and read him their favorite story so I leave them to it and make my way to our bedroom.

I decided to just get ready for bed myself, and after I have my pajamas on, I climb into bed.

It doesn't take long for Christian to come into our room. I close my eyes as I listen to what he's doing.

The shower has turned on, it's a quick shower without me so it doesn't take him long to slide next to me.

I push back against him when he pulls me close.

"Christian, I run in that park," I bring up our disagreement. "Nobody bothers me when I do."

"Anastasia, we have a gym here, you can use that. I don't want you going out, where any Tom, Dick, and Harry can see you, fantasizing about my wife. You're every man's wet dream, baby, and I wont have that. I don't mind if Mrs. Taylor watches Teddy so long as you're here, in the building."

"So you're going to lock me away?" I argue.

If I grow my hair out longer than it is, I'll be Rapunzel, locked away in this Ivory Tower. Well, a brunette Rapunzel.

"I'm not locking you away, baby," He kisses the back of my head as he tells me.

"What about fresh air, Christian, you already took Teddy and I away from our home on the Sound, we don't have a yard for him to play in anymore so I have to take him to a park."

"We have balconies for fresh air. We'll go to the park as a family, okay? You can always go to my parents' house too. That's reasonable, right?"

"I guess." Maybe he's right. I'll still get to exercise in the gym, we have balconies for fresh air, and it would be more fun to go to the park as a family. Teddy would like that, I'm sure. Maybe I'm the one overreacting.

I smile when I feel him kiss my neck over and over, his hand sliding around me holding me close, and his member hardening against my backside.

I turn over and thrust my hands into his damp hair and kiss him.

"I love you, Anastasia." He moans. "Only you, baby."

"I love you too, Christian." I slip my tongue into his mouth, tasting him.

We get lost in each other like we do every night.

This is what I needed, the love of my husband, the reminder of the magic we share. I know he's only acting this way because he's so possessive of me, and jealousy has always been second nature to him. And I'm sure he doesn't want me to leave Teddy because he doesn't want Teddy to wake when I'm not here. It stems back to his birthmother.

 _Oh, Fifty_.

He's told me before the way he knows we're okay is if we make love, and this is what we do whenever we resolve an argument. Love.


	3. In My Defense

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

I haven't been feeling well for a few days so I've skipped my workout. Christian thought I was doing some sort of protest at first, but then when he realized I was legitimately not feeling well, he took a few days off from work to care for me, and Teddy of course. He came home with everything possible that is designed to make you feel better. I almost went to the doctor, but by the time I decided on that, I felt better.

Christian returned to work today so it's back to just Teddy and I, alone with the staff.

Since I'm no longer 'allowed' to jog at the park, I'm waiting for Teddy's nap then I will use the gym here.

While I hold my son, rocking him to sleep, my mind drifts to when I was pregnant with him.

I was so sick with him in the beginning, I remember only vanilla ice cream would settle my stomach. Oh, and the cravings, it's almost like now, I'm addicted to apples, green apples to be exact. I have Gail stock up on them when she goes grocery shopping.

The nice thing about being pregnant was my boobs looked amazing and Christian would pretty much attack me whenever he saw me. And as I look at Teddy resting his head on my breasts now, I try not to giggle at how amazing they look in my sports bra and tank top. Maybe Christian was right, my workout gear is a bit revealing.

After I started showing, he became that primal male, pleased that his seed was causing me to grow, swell with his child.

Christian is such a wonderful father, just like I knew he would be, but I wonder how he would react now if I was to get pregnant again. I mean, he was scared, but so was I.

Just the thought of that night puts a damper on my mood.

And suddenly, it hits me.

I stop rocking immediately.

 _Could I be pregnant?_

No, no I couldn't be, Christian is on top of my shot schedule, has been since I started taking my birth control after Teddy's birth.

Teddy has been sleeping for awhile so I stand with him and lay him down on his big boy bed. I grab my phone that I put on his side table before I walk out of his room, leaving the door cracked. Gail will have his monitor, but I like to leave it open so she can hear him if the monitor doesn't work for any reason.

"Gail," I call her attention where she's cleaning up our lunch. "I just put Teddy down for his nap so I'm going to head to the gym, if that's alright?"

"Of course, dear."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it." I say every time I ask her to watch him. "He should stay sleeping until I return."

I always time my workout around his nap schedule and be sure to return with plenty of time before he wakes so she's not bothered.

"It's no problem." She tells me like always.

I give her one last thank you before I head towards the elevator where Sawyer is ready and waiting for me.

How he and Taylor know when Christian and I are leaving is beyond me.

In the elevator I'm about to hand Sawyer my phone so I can workout, but it rings before I can.

I close my eyes tight thinking it's Christian and he's going to somehow talk me out of working out, but when I open my eyes I sigh in relief when I see Ray's name, photo of him with Teddy, and his number displayed on my screen.

"Hi, Ray." I answer cheerfully.

 _"Hey, Annie,"_ His tone mimics mine. _"It's been awhile, how are you and your beautiful family doing?"_

"We're fine. Teddy's growing like a weed, and Christian is busy with his company."

 _"I hope he's not too busy."_ He expresses his concern.

"No, he's not." I let him know. "He comes home every night and he doesn't work weekends."

The thought of why he never worked weekends before comes into my mind, very uninvited and unbidden. I push it out before I can dwell on it. He's home with us now, his family. He loves us, he doesn't miss that life... I think, I hope.

The elevator arrives in the basement gym so Sawyer and I step off.

"Listen, dad, I just got to the gym, I want to get in a workout before Teddy wakes from his nap, so I'll call you later, okay?"

 _"Have you been keeping up with your self defense?"_ He asks me.

"No, not really," I tell him as I head towards the treadmills. "I mostly just run."

 _"Annie,"_ He chastises me like he did when I was little, but he's a little more soft about it now. _"You may have that big bodyguard now, but anything can happen. You know it nearly killed me when that messed happened awhile back. You had the bodyguard then, and look what happened, you gave him the slip and got yourself hurt, all while you were pregnant."_

I sigh when he reminds me of the Hyde situation.

"I'll work on it." I concede. He's right.

 _"I'm serious, Annie."_ He pushes. _"You are a very beautiful young woman, and on top of that your husband is a very rich and well known man. Y'all already had one threat, you never know when you'll receive another, and you need to be prepare, ready to defend yourself should anything happen."_

"I know, dad."

 _"I'll let you get to it then. Give that grandson of mine kisses from me."_

"I will."

 _"Love you, Annie."_

"You too."

I hang up and look around the gym for Sawyer.

He's lifting weights in the corner while the few girls that are near him gawk at his ability to lift so much. I can't deny, his muscles are bulging, it's a sight to see for sure. I may be married to the love of my life, but eye candy is sure nice to look at.

I walk towards him and he stops lifting to pay attention to me.

Ignoring the girls' glaring at me for interrupting their show, I tell him, "That was my dad."

He nods but stays quiet, waiting for me to continue since I'm telling him who called me.

"He wants me to work on my self defense." I tell him as I hand him my phone.

"Okay." He takes my phone and puts it inside his gym bag that's near his feet. He grabs the bag, then he comes to a stand and together we walk towards the mats on the far side of the room.

"Do you remember any of it?" He asks me as he drops his bag near the bench.

"Um, yeah," I put some of my hair behind my ear as I tell him, "I think I do."

He comes to stand in front of me and I'm reminded of how much bigger than me he really is. I have to look up when I speak to him.

"It has been awhile though." I admit.

"We'll work on a few while you're standing first, if you want."

"Yeah, okay."

"If you'll turn around, we'll begin."

I quickly do as he asked so my back is facing him and he's no longer in my vision.

"We're going to do two versions of me grabbing you from behind." He explains. "The first one, I'm going to simply wrap my arms around your waist."

"Okay." I answer.

"Like this."

I gasp when he grabs me around my waist because I wasn't expecting it so soon, even though he did give me a warning and tell me he was going to.

He has his arms crossed and wrapped around my waist so I instinctively put my hands on top of his. My back is flush with his hard chest. He feels so strong, so warm, and I can feel him breathing against the back of my neck.

"Do you remember what to do?" He asks me as he holds me in place.

"Yeah." I blush as I realize I've just been standing here like an idiot.

My mind finally plays catch up and I grab his finger from the hand that is holding onto his opposite wrist. I gentle yet firmly push it back because we are training, but if it were the real deal I would push back harder. This forces him to let go of me and I pretend to elbow his face. He puts his hands in a way so I can hit them like I'm going to knee his groin.

"Good job." He congratulates me.

We do that move a few more times until we switch to the next.

Now he's going to choke me from behind instead of grabbing me.

He wraps his arm all the way around my neck so his forearm does the choking. While he does this, I grab his wrist and forearm, stopping him.

I do a similar move with his finger like before, bending it back, then I move my body so my back and his front are facing the same direction.

Finally, I bring my body down which throws him to the ground as well.

I love bringing him down. It's such a thrill to be able to take such a big man down, and not because he's letting me either.

"No matter how hard you train, no matter what you do, you will never be physically stronger than me." Sawyer tells me as he comes to a stand. "An attacker will be, more often than not, stronger than you. But there are certain weak spots on the body, and technics you can do, so you'll always be able to take him down."

We do this move a few more times, which I admit to him is my favorite of all, before we move to the floor.

Now we're going to pretend he's got me down.

This is my least favorite because of the position we're in. It's uncomfortable, for me, and a little embarrassing. I swear if Christian saw these moves, he would be pissed.

I'm laying on my back with my legs open and Sawyer is kneeling between them, if you know what I mean.

I giggle as I think about Christian not wanting me to run in the park for all to see me, but yet, here I am in the gym, with Sawyer on top of me like he's about to get freaky.

When I look up at Sawyer, his impassive face stops my giggles.

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, probably at my laughter and immaturity of such a serious matter.

"Sorry." I apologize and try to get 'in the zone'.

Without saying anything, he lunges for me, but I stop him by holding my arms out and placing them on his chest.

"Not my chest," He reminds me, pulling back to sit up. "Closer to my shoulders, make sure your arms are completely straight, don't bend them, and don't tuck your thumb, keep it flat with your fingers so you can hold my weight."

"Okay."

He lunges for me again and when I stop him this time, I keep my arms completely straight and where he told me to put my hands.

"See." He shows me, pushing towards me and letting me hold his body weight up.

I nod in agreement.

"Okay, now you're going to slide your hip out." He instructs me, tapping my hip as he stays in place, with me holding him up and away from me. "Keep your foot and opposite shoulder on the ground as you move your hip."

I follow his orders, and do the next step I remember, which is to put my foot that isn't on the ground on his hip, then slide back under him and put my other foot on his other hip.

"Good. Now push."

I do, grabbing his wrists like he told me before, and imitate kicking his groin, solar plexus, and chin, like I'm riding a bicycle.

We do this move a few times, just like all the others.

"Okay, now I'm going to get closer to you."

I quietly groan in complaint. _Isn't he close enough already?!_

"I don't think we've done this move before," He tells me, getting back into position. "But I'm going to get on top of you and choke you. You are going to stop me."

"Alright." I'm not too thrilled with him getting closer to me with the position we're in, but I guess I do need to learn this crap.

Sawyer grabs me under my knees and pulls me closer to him so my sex is right at his. I groan as I feel him through his shorts he's wearing.

The next thing I know, his hands are on my throat, however, it's not nearly as tight as it could be. I instinctively grab his wrists.

"Cross your hands." He corrects me.

I do, grabbing his wrists again.

"Don't tuck your thumb."

I amend my mistake and wait for his next instruction.

"Try to slide your hip out like with the first move."

I try, but I can't move with him on top of me like this, he's too close and too strong.

"Okay," He stops me from trying since it's obviously not working. "Break my hold around your neck, but don't remove your hands from my wrists, keep them in place."

I try pulling his hands away but he wont budge.

"How?!" I give up frustrated.

"Bring your elbows down on my forearms."

I do, several times, but he's too strong and I can't brake his hold.

"I can't!" I growl frustrated, letting my hands fall to my side. If he was a real attacker, he'd be having a field day right now.

"Bring your hips up, as far as you can."

Keeping my hands on the ground, I lift my hips, and when I do he comes even closer. I gasp feeling him.

"Sawyer." I whine his name in complaint.

"It's alright." He tells me backing off, so I lower my hips. "I'm going to show you how to get out of this. You doing that with your hips will give me the upper hand for a split second, giving me more power to choke you, but you're going to stop me before that happens."

"Alright." I'm skeptical, I don't believe him.

"Cross your hands like before and hold my wrists, keep your thumb with your fingers, don't hook it."

He still has his hands around my neck so I do as he said.

"Now you're going to bring your hips up like you did."

Reluctantly I bring my hips up as high as I can while he moves closer.

"Okay, bring your hips down as fast as you can so your bottom is touching the ground, bring your elbows down at the same time, like you're doing a crunch, and you'll break my hold. Don't let go of my hands as you do this, and put your chin down so I can't gain access again."

I do everything he says, keeping my hold on his hands. I still feel his manhood when I bring my hips up, but I do what he said and quickly sit as I crunch.

This time I break his hold around my neck, but I since I'm holding his wrists, I keep him in place.

"Now I'm at an awkward angle and I can't get a good grip on your neck." He tries, just to prove his point, and as he said, he can't get a good grasp of my throat. "In this position you'll be able to slide your hip out and put your feet on my hips. Do that now."

I do the sliding out move he's shown me and then put my foot on his hip, sliding back under him, I put my other foot on his other hip.

He's now closer than ever in this position, our most private areas are touching through our clothing and my thighs are spread. I _really_ hate these moves, they're so uncomfortable, that's why it's been so long since we've done any self defense and I just stick to running.

"An attacker's instinct will be to pull away." He tells me. "I'm going to pull back, and you're going to uncross your arms and quickly grab my wrists again."

He pulls back and I do as he said. This move has pushed his groin closer as he leans back.

"Even if you aren't able to grab their wrists, it's okay. They'll still fall backwards from the force they use to pull away. And this is where you will kick; groin, solar, chin, constantly moving your feet. Then you run like hell. Even if your attacker were to chase you, you have the advantage because he's hurt."

Sawyer and I continue a few more moves, ones I've learned from him and from Ray before, just to refresh my memory.

 **...**

We finish up with plenty of time left because we're already at Escala. Sawyer hands me a water bottle, keeping one for himself as we make our way towards the elevator to leave the gym.

Since I have time before Teddy wakes, I think I'll take a bath instead of a shower, but as we board the elevator, I think a nap is more like it. I'm exhausted. And hungry. Maybe Christian was right, I got more of a workout here than I would've during a jog around the park.

Once again, the elevator opens at the lobby floor. I swear, since we've moved back here, I've met more neighbors than ever. And Christian wanted us to move back here because of a neighbor I never met, now I'm meeting everyone in the building.

When the doors open a woman pushing a stroller enters. We exchange quiet polite smiles as we ride up together.

The elevator stops at the 6th floor and she steps off without a word. Before the elevator doors close I see her knock on an apartment door, she must be visiting someone.

I gasp when I remember my earlier thoughts, that I could be pregnant.

"Is everything okay, Mrs. Grey?" Sawyer asks me.

"Um, yeah," I just need to find out if I'm pregnant or not without Christian suspecting anything.

I still have a few hours before he's home, if he doesn't come home for lunch, and if I skip my bath I should be able to run to the pharmacy before Teddy wakes.

"I um, I need to go to the store." I tell Sawyer as the elevator doors open at our apartment.

"I'll grab the key."

I nervously wait for him by the elevator, chewing my lip and pacing, hoping and praying that he doesn't mention this trip to Christian.

Oh god, what if I am?! Christian will surely be pissed. He certainly was when I told him about Teddy.

"All set." Sawyer brings me from my thoughts before I can think any further about Christian's reaction.

 **...**

As soon as we return, I rush to our bathroom so I can take the test. Luckily Christian hasn't called or left a message, so hopefully Sawyer didn't tell him anything, or maybe he's just busy and he'll call me when he's not. Either way, I have to hurry.

It was hard enough to hide this 'package' from Sawyer as he followed me throughout the store, but it was somewhat easy since he keeps his distance. And thankfully they are putting in self-checkouts so I didn't have to deal with a cashier giving me that knowing look.

I didn't have to take one of these with Teddy, Dr. Greene just dipped her stick into a cup with my urine in it, but it looks pretty self-explanatory.

I've already taken the test, and I'm thinking of a place to hide the evidence when I'm done. Maybe I'll just toss it over the balcony.

I nervously giggle at the idea, but I know I can't.

Before I can think of anything, my phone timer goes off.

With no courage whatsoever, I bravely look at the results.

"Fuck!" I hiss quietly and begin to hyperventilate.

I don't know whether to be happy that I am, or scared.

 _Christian is going to be so pissed_.

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Just a reminder and another warning, this IS a CHEAT fic, & the you know what is coming! **

**Some of you have been asking, begging for it to be an emotional cheat, but I'm sorry to say, it's going to be physical.  
**

 **I understand this is such a risky topic with this couple, so if you want to back out now, I don't blame you.**

 **If you're still with me, get ready... here it comes.**

 **Thanks again for reading & reviewing.**


	4. The Invader

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC* *THIS IS A CHEAT FIC* *THIS IS A CHEAT FIC* *THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Just another warning (I know they are getting old) this chapter is THE chapter where it all goes down...**

 **Back out now while you still can, don't cross into the darkside!**

 **If you're brave enough, continue on...  
**

* * *

 **Apov**

I don't know how to tell Christian, I almost don't want to. Okay, I don't, but he's going to be so upset with me, thermonuclear just like he did when I told him I was pregnant with Teddy. Even though I don't want to tell him, I know I have to. I can't very well hide a pregnancy from him, in however many months we'll have a baby and it will be pretty obvious.

So I've been thinking of ways to tell him all day. I thought about going to Dr. Greene first, to confirm the pregnancy, maybe buttering him up with a chocolate cake and lingerie. Oh how I wish I could involve Teddy since he's going to be a big brother, but with what happened last time, I think it's best he not be around. I'd hate for Christian to lose his temper in front our son.

Teddy and I are already in the car, with Sawyer driving, on our way to Grace. I'm hoping she can watch Teddy for a few hours while I tell Christian he's going to be a father again.

Sawyer pulls into the Greys' driveway and brings the SUV right up to the door for us.

I quickly unbuckle Teddy, who was already starting to drift to sleep but quickly wakes when he sees where we are.

"G-G?"

"Yeah, buddy," I confirm we're at his grandparents' house. "Let's go see G-G."

Sawyer hops out to open my door for me and just as I step out, I hear the front door open.

"Ana!" I hear Grace from behind me.

When I turn around I see her rushing towards us with a huge smile on her face.

"How are you, darling?" She hugs me and Teddy at the same time since I'm holding him.

"I'm fine." I lie with a smile.

She looks at me suspicious for a spilt second before Teddy gains her attention.

"G-G." Teddy squeals with his arms out towards her.

I hand Teddy over to his grandmother and together we walk inside.

"I had Gretchen set up a lite lunch for us." Grace tells me as she leads me out to the patio. "It's such a nice day, I thought we could have girl talk while we eat out here."

"That's fine, it is a nice day."

Thankfully it is a lite lunch.

I'm not feeling many symptoms yet, just a few here and there, but I haven't been able to keep anything down since I found out. It's mostly due to nervousness than morning sickness though. I have been trying to eat smaller portions and nothing too heavy, so that's helped.

Grace and I have small talk about Teddy, life in general, the Grey family, Mia going to back to Paris soon, all throughout lunch.

Teddy has finished and is searching the yard for bugs.

It makes me smile seeing him like this. It also puts a damper on my mood. I miss our home on the Sound where he could do this sort of activity daily if he wanted to. I want to cry right now, but I hide it and my feelings behind my fake smile.

"You're glowing, dear."

I break my gaze away from Teddy to look at Grace. She's smiling a knowing smile at me.

 _Shit! Does she know? No, she couldn't. Could she?!_

"I'm so glad you and Christian found each other, you both look so happy." She tells me and I sag in relief that she thinks I'm glowing because I'm happy, that she can't see behind my fake smile. I _am_ happy, but I'm also terrified.

I don't know why I thought she would know. As much as I love her, she is naïve. I mean, she didn't know her friend was molesting her son for years after all.

"I love him," I tell her honestly of Christian. "He's my everything."

"Seeing Christian so happy and in love is all I ever wanted for him." She glances towards Teddy so I follow her gaze. "And now he has a family."

Speaking of which, and the reason for my visit.

"Grace would you mind watching Teddy for me?" I ask her. "I'd like to talk to Christian about something, and I don't want little ears present when I do."

"Of course, darling." She's all too willing. "Why don't you leave him overnight? That way you and Christian can have some alone time together all night instead of worrying about picking him up if it gets too late."

"That's a wonderful idea." I smile.

The suggestion is a relief. The last time I told Christian, he yelled at me, left and got drunk. I don't want Teddy to see that so it will be best if he stays with Grace all night.

 **~..~..~**

I decided to stop at Agent Provocateur thinking maybe if I'm in sexy lingerie and give Christian some loving before I tell him, he wont be so harsh. I mean, it kind of worked the morning after. After I found _her_ text.

As I'm looking at a sexy babydoll in a pale blue, I catch a glimpse of a very uncomfortable looking Sawyer. A giggle escapes me as I watch him, surrounded in silk, lace, and gawking woman. I'm sure they all think he's shopping for his significant other or something.

Then I see him on his phone. Great, he's probably ruining my plans; telling Christian what I'm doing and what I'm buying.

 _Ugh, sometimes having security around is intrusive_.

Turning my attention back to the babydoll, I decide I'll get it. The sexy loose nightie will come in handy when my stomach starts to grow. But I want something a little more... revealing for tonight, so I continue my search.

My eyes land on a black lace thong. It has big bows on the side that you can pull. _Easy access_.

I would get the matching bra, but Christian likes me in only panties... And stockings, I'll need stockings.

Finding a garter, even though I have plenty at home, and a pair of silky black thigh high stockings, I take my purchases to the checkout.

 **~..~..~**

I don't have much time, Christian will be home in a couple hours, so I'm busy getting myself and our bedroom ready.

I have my sexy black lace thong on, the stockings with the garter, and a black mini robe to cover my breasts until he's home. My robe just barely covers my ass. The hot curlers are in my hair as I apply my make up; smoky eyes and a deep red lip. Bedroom eyes and fuck me lips. I'm hoping this will be enough to distract Christian. And I hope he will be sated enough to take the news well.

Just as I finish my lips, my phone rings.

I look down and see my man's sexy smile.

"Hi, Christian." I cheer as I answer his call, hoping I don't sound nervous.

 _"Hey, baby,"_ He sounds so stressed and exhausted. _"Listen, I have a last minute meeting that I can't reschedule."_

"Oh no," This doesn't sound good. "When will you be home?"

 _"Late."_ He tells me. _"I'm not sure what time exactly, but it will likely be long after you and Teddy are sleeping."_

"Christian, I need to talk to you and Teddy's not home, he's staying with your parents."

 _"I'm sorry, baby, but I need to take care of this."_

"Your meetings never lasted this long before unless you had to take a business trip somewhere. I mean, after we're sleeping?"

 _"It's in Portland,"_ He explains. _"Ros and I are taking_ Charlie Tango _. A storm is reported to come through around ten so if it gets too late, we'll probably just stay at the Heathman and I'll be home tomorrow morning since I wont be able to fly through it."_

"Alright," _What else can I say?_ "Well, maybe I'll just hang out with Kate tonight then."

I could really use someone to talk to about this.

 _"No."_

"Why not?" I ask offended.

 _"I don't want you out late, Kate has a tendency of getting you drunk and letting you off on your own. I wont be there if some asshole decides to take advantage of you. We'll hang out with Elliot and Kate together next weekend if you want."_

 _Oh my god,_ "Christian, that happened a long time ago, you're never going to let me live that down, and I'm sure Sawyer will stop anyone from getting too close. Kate and I will just stay in anyway, I'm sure."

I definitely wouldn't want to talk about this in public and I can't drink anyway, but he doesn't know that.

 _"My answer remains."_ He tells me firmly.

"Christian, I'm home alone, I'm lonely."

 _"Why don't you hang out with Mia,"_ He suggests instead. _"She's going to Paris soon and we wont see her for a few months."_

"I need to talk to you." I say quietly.

 _"We'll talk when I get home, don't wait up."_

"Fine." I whisper in defeat.

 _"Love you, baby. Laters."_

He hangs up.

"I love you too." I whimper to him even though he can no longer hear me.

 **...**

I'm not sure how, as I don't remember how I got here, but I somehow found myself on our bed, crying my eyes out.

 _"Don't start with the waterworks now, Anastasia!" He snaps, running a hand through his hair, pulling it as he does._

Some people hide their pain behind their smiles, I don't even have a smile to hide behind anymore.

 _"Your shot!?" He snarls._

 _He bangs his fist on the table, making me jump, and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining chair over._

 _"Did you forget? Tell me. Or did you do this on purpose?" His eyes blaze and anger radiates off of him._

"I'm sorry," I sob against our bed. "I'm so sorry, Christian."

 _"Sorry? Fuck!" He closes his eyes tight. I think he's trying to contain his temper and losing the battle._

I can't stop the ache in my heart, I'm so terrified that I'm about to break, that I am breaking. I'm just so tired, so tired of walking on eggshells around him. He's going to leave me, I know it, walk out like he did before, this time he'll never return.

 _"Oh, fuck this!" He bellows dismissively and holds his hands up in a gesture of defeat. He turns on his heel and stalks toward the foyer, grabbing his jacket as he leaves the great room. His footsteps echo off the wooden floor, and he disappears through the double doors into the foyer, slamming the door behind him and making me jump.  
_

 _I'm alone with the silence._

I shudder as I continue to cry.

I don't know what I was thinking, Christian is likely to be pissed, more so than before. Last time he got drunk with _that_ woman, this time I'm unsure what he will do. She hasn't been in our lives since _that_ night, but I have a feeling she'll be coming back with a vengeance soon enough. Christian is going to run to her, he'll probably leave me just like I feared he would.

 _"Shit! I don't fucking believe it. How could you be so stupid?"_

Unsure of how long I've been crying, thunder breaks me from my thoughts, from the ghost of my past, memories of how he acted, how he treated me when we found out I was pregnant with Teddy.

I'm alone in our room, laying on our bed, the only sound coming from the storm and my sniffles. The emptiness of the room overwhelms me.

I slowly sit up as I look out the windows to see the storm coming down hard, reflecting how I feel inside. Christian wont be coming home tonight because of it, the storm I mean.

With one last sniff, I get off the bed and drag myself to the bathroom.

When I look in the mirror, I look like some sort of science experiment gone bad.

My robe is open so you can see the swell of my breasts along with the lace thong, my hair is still wrapped in the hot-rollers but they are cool now and all loose from me laying on the bed, and my eyes are dark, like a raccoon, from my crying.

I begin taking out my rollers, which give my hair a crazy-ass curl since they've been in so long and then from laying on the bed.

After I have all the hot-rollers out, I grab some makeup removing wipes and begin to clean my face.

When I'm done, I just stand here, staring at my reflection in the mirror.

Angry with myself and the situation I'm in, I push everything off the counter as I scream.

Falling to my knees as I cry, I begin to pick up what landed on the floor.

There's a knock, I know it's Sawyer because he and I are the only ones here, but I ignore it.

"Mrs. Grey," I hear Sawyer call my name, probably from the bedroom door. "Is everything okay?"

I'm about to answer with my usual, 'fine', but as I'm reaching for the hot-roller base, I burn my hand.

"Ow!"

I pull my hand back and hold it to my chest.

In my peripheral vision I see someone's frame blocking the doorway. I blush when I look up and see Sawyer.

"Shit." He mumbles as he makes his way towards me, avoiding the land mines I've created.

He easily pulls me up to stand and leads me out to the bedroom.

"I'm fine," I tell him, repeating what I tell everyone. "I just burned my hand, is all."

Without a word he returns to the bathroom. I hear him rummaging around in there before he returns with a small hand towel.

He pulls my injured hand towards him and puts the towel on it.

I wince in response to the coolness.

"The rollers were cool, but I guess I forgot that the base was still plugged in." I explain with a fake giggle. "How did you know? That I needed help, I mean."

"I was doing my rounds when I heard the noise." He tells me as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out some medicated cream that he must of found in the bathroom cabinet.

He deposits a small amount on his finger and gently rubs the small area that I've burned.

It hurts at first, but then it feels nice, weird, but nice.

All too late I realize my robe has been open this whole time, my exposed cleavage and thong on full display for him.

I pull my hand away from him and quickly close my robe, holding it to my body so he can't see me anymore. It doesn't have the sash to tie it in place because Christian uses them to restrain me when we play and I don't know what he's done with half of them.

I look up at Sawyer as I blush a deep embarrassing shade of red.

His eyes are dark, full of lust, just how Christian's would be if he saw me in this getup.

I don't know what I'm thinking or what causes me to do this, but something comes over me as I reach up on my tippy toes and kiss the corner of his mouth.

He doesn't react and is impassive when I pull away. I have this overwhelming desire to feel his lips again.

This time, when I reach up, I kiss him full on his lips.

He still doesn't react, so I push my luck and kiss him again, this time I don't pull back.

After my second chaste kiss, he begins to slightly move his lips with mine.

I wrap my arms around his neck the same time he grabs my hips and pulls me flush against him. My nipples rub against the silky material of my robe and against the hardness of his chest, instantly dampening my panties. I feel that tingling sensation burn deep within me, heat rising, and my breathing increase. That need is building, wanting a release.

Finally he opens his mouth, deepening our kiss. I squirm and moan when my tongue meets his.

Before I know what's happening, Sawyer pushes me down onto the bed.

He quickly takes off his shirt before he climbs on top of me. My hands go straight to his well-defined abs.

I gasp when he roughly pulls open my silky robe, revealing my breasts to him completely, but my gasp is cut off when he crashes his lips to mine again.

I'm a squirming, panting mess as one of his hands kneads my breast while he kisses my neck.

He kisses my mouth again as he moves his hand, gliding it down my side, to my hip, and finally cupping my sex.

A growl escapes him when he feels my dampness through the lace.

A gasp escapes me when he pulls my panties down enough to slide his hand inside.

"Fuck," He groans against my mouth. "You are so fucking wet."

He groans again as another rush of wetness comes out of me.

When his fingers enter me, I bring my hips up to meet him.

In the heat of the moment, I reach for his belt. After I've unbuckled it, I move to unbutton and unzip his pants.

Reaching my hand in to grab him, I continue to move my hips while his fingers play with me.

As I stroke him, he grows harder, which makes me become wetter. His fingers are easily slipping around my sex with how wet I am.

"Oh, please." It's him begging. For what? I'm not sure.

I groan in complaint when he removes his fingers.

The tingling sensation in my core grows when he reaches for the bows at my hips. He unties them, freeing me from my panties and then tossing them unseeingly behind his shoulder. I'm completely hot and bothered, so wet and ready, my heart is pounding in my chest.

I moan when lunges at me, kissing me roughly, his fingers returning to my aching spot. This time my panties aren't constricting his movements, so now he's able to work me faster and harder. He adds pressure, moving his hand in a circular motion against my clit. I'm so wet, so close to exploding, just on the edge, and then he increases his speed as his tongue enters my mouth.

He's hitting that spot just right, and suddenly my toes curl and my eyes roll back.

"Aaargh!" I cry out as I cum around his fingers.

He kisses my jaw as he continues to move his fingers. My grip on his dick loosens as I succumb to my own pleasure.

I'm panting as I come down.

He's moved away from my sensitive clit, his fingers have now fully entered me, doing that come-hither motion.

More. I want more.

My hips are bucking up like crazy to meet his fingers, and as I do, the tip of his dick bumps against my wet sex. We both groan in response.

I stop moving, spread my thighs wide, and bring the tip of his dick to my clit, rubbing and coating him with my juices.

He removes his fingers, lines his dick up with my entrance, and holds himself up as he slowly pushes forward.

"Oooh god." I moan slowly as I feel each inch of him fill me.

I gasp when I realize he's fully entered me. We're in the self-defense position we practice, except this time we're connected by our most intimate and private parts.

"Oh my god!" Panic begins to take over, my body tenses up, but then he pulls back and the sensation overpowers my thoughts.

My sex instinctively grips him, not wanting him to leave, sucking him back in. And as he pushes forward, it feels so good, too good to stop him.

He picks up the pace, moving faster and faster, and soon I join his thrusts by flexing my hips up to meet him.

I run my hands up his strong arms, enjoying the feel of his muscles before I wrap my arms around his back, hugging him to me. He grabs my ass and pulls me closer so I wrap my thighs around his hips and angle myself at just the right place for him to hit that sweet spot every time. He's able to go deeper this way and it feels amazing.

The room is full of sounds of our panting, moaning, and the thunder from the storm.

"You feel so fucking good." He grunts. "So wet."

His words make me even more wet than I already am. Feeling my new wetness causes him to groan in pleasure.

Suddenly he flips us so I'm on top, riding him.

My robe is still on but it's completely open, hanging passed my shoulders, around my elbows.

I place my hands flat on his hard chest and ride him hard and fast.

The pleasure increases as his pubic bone rubs against my clit.

His hands glide up from my hips and grab my breasts, tweaking my nipples.

"Oh!" I throw my head back which pushes my breasts into his hands.

I feel my insides clench and tighten, I'm so close.

He must feel it too because he releases my nipples and grabs my hips again, making me rock faster and harder than before.

My sex convulses and a gush of wetness comes out of me as my orgasm hits me hard.

I slow my sped but he flips us again so he's on top of me, continuing to drive into me as wave after wave hits me with full force. He prolongs my orgasm and just as I'm about to come down from my high, he pushes deep inside of me and I feel him pulsate his release as my sex continues to squeeze him.

He collapses on top of me when he's finished. I wrap my hands around his head, holding him to my breasts and playing with his damp hair.

We're both panting, trying to catch our breaths.

A flash of lightning illuminates the otherwise dark room, showing me exactly what I've done.

Sawyer kisses the swell of my breast then pulls out of me.

I hang my head in shame and quickly wrap the robe around me.

"Wow!" He breathes in awe.

I can't lay here next to him. With what energy I have left, I jump out of bed.

"That shouldn't of happened." I tell him as the guilt and regret immediately hits me hard, like the bite of a brown leather belt.

"That may be true."

 _May be true?! I just cheated on my husband!_

I turn around just as he's zipping up his pants that we didn't even bother to take off.

"I have to tell him."

"What?!" He snaps his head up to me.

"I have to tell Christian." I repeat.

"Mrs.-" He begins urgently, only to change is tone and correct himself. "Um. Ana. You can't."

"I have to!"

"He'll fire me."

"No," I say even though I know Christian will do much more than fire him. "No, I wont let him."

"Let's be realistic here, nothing you can say or do will stop him from destroying me. I wont only lose this job but he'll blacklist me. He's a very influential, powerful man. I'll be ruined. If you want me to leave, I will, I'll find another job, just give me some time."

"I-" _Shit, he's right, Christian will destroy him_. "Well, I wont tell him it was you-"

"Ha!" He grunts. "He will want to know who. You can't tell him you had sex with another man and expect him to not want to know who with, and I'm sure he'll have a way to figure it out if you tell him anything anyway."

"Okay, fine." I surrender. "I wont tell him then, I wont tell him anything, I'll just keep it a dirty secret that I'm a whore!"

"Ana-" He begins but I've already started crying.

He rushes toward me and tries to hold me but I pull away from him. I don't want him to touch me.

"You're not." He tells me.

"Luke!" I scream his given name, it just doesn't feel right to call him Sawyer after _that_. "Look at me, look at what I did! I've betrayed my husband! We're still half dressed and the sheets are still wet, for goodness sake! I fucked another man, I'm a whore!"

"Ana-"

"Just leave." I tell him, my voice so cold and showing no emotion.

"A-"

"Go." I urge him.

I turn around not wanting to see him anymore.

It's quiet for awhile until eventually I hear him move around the room, but I don't dare look at him.

When I hear the door open and then close, I fall to the floor and cry.

 _Oh my god, what have I done?!_


	5. The Broken One

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

The storm is still going, not only outside but inside. I've spent hours in the steaming hot shower, trying desperately to get the feel of betrayal off of me. But to no avail, I'm still a whore, clean or dirty.

I'm in the tub now, the water has been cold for hours, but I don't care. My knees are up as I hold them close to my body, my chin resting on them as I submerge my lower half in the freezing water.

I'm starring off into space, at nothing.

I've violated Christian's trust, ignoring our sexual exclusivity. I'm so sorry, so regretful, but it's too late, the deed has been done. And I can't even tell him because he'll likely kill Sawyer with his bare hands. Now instead of one secret I'm keeping from my husband, I have to keep another, all because I couldn't keep my hands to myself.

I could list the reasons why I did it; feeling neglected, Christian being over controlling, being isolated, Christian being my only sexual partner and I wanted to explore, but in all honesty nothing justifies what I just did. I had a stupid moment of weakness and Sawyer was there. I just needed that affection, that closeness, and he was there.

My infidelity may be kept from Christian, but knowing I've been unfaithful to him with haunt me. The guilt is already eating me alive.

I feel another tear slide down my cheek, but I ignore it just like the others, letting it fall. I shudder involuntarily as I gaze numbly at the wall.

This is tragic, and it's all my fault. He was the 'broken' one, yet I'm the one that needs saving.

It feels like days have passed before I finally get the strength to get out of the tub.

My limps are weak, the cold water left on my body gives me bumps, but I ignore the chill.

Grapping a towel, I wrap it around my naked body desperately trying to avoid my reflection in the mirror.

I drain the tub and then walk out of the ensuite. But as soon as I make it back into our bedroom, I stop in my tracks.

The bed.

I'm just standing here, starring at the bed. The bed my husband makes love to me on, that we sleep together on, the bed that I fucked another man on.

Without a second thought, I rush out to the kitchen, still wearing my towel.

I grab the largest, sharpest knife I can find and march back to my room.

It feels like I'm watching myself doing this, not actually doing it myself.

I'm screaming as I stab the mattress over and over, shredding the sheets, the pillows, everything is one big mess of fluff, feathers, foam, every bit of material is flying around me as I destroy our bed.

 _Oh god, if it hurts me this much, it will surely kill him_.

 _ **~..~..~**_

After using my husband's influence, I've ordered a new bed, and thankfully it came before Christian arrived home. I bet they were curious as to what happened in our bedroom, but they stayed quiet and professional the whole time.

I still haven't slept, I couldn't.

I'm waiting for Christian, pacing near the elevator as I bite my nails. He's just sent me a text saying he's on his way home.

I'm wearing the blue babydoll I bought for him, I couldn't possibly wear the other lingerie, ever, ever again.

My heart races as I hear the elevator announcing it's arrival.

I'm panting with panic, a sudden urge to cry washes over me, but I have to hold myself together so he doesn't suspect anything.

As soon as he walks through the doors, I'm frozen.

Before he notices me, I rush to him.

"Whoa!" He grabs me, taken by surprise at my need to be in his arms.

Luckily we're _very_ sexually active, so my need for him isn't as much of a shock.

"I missed you, Christian." I pull him to me and kiss him over and over.

He moans as he pulls away but I thrust my hands into his hair and pull him back down.

"Make love to me," I beg him. "Please, please, Christian."

"Where's Teddy?"

"He's still with your mother. Please, Christian," I shamelessly and desperately beg him. "Make love to me, please."

I don't have to ask him again, he lifts me in his strong arms and carries me to our room, to our brand new bed.

I try desperately not to think about what happened in here, just hours ago as we begin.

"You're so beautiful, baby, did you buy this for me?" He asks as his hands slide up my thighs, pushing the negligée up.

A noise escapes me, but I don't answer him.

 _Who else would I buy this for?_ _Sawyer;_ my subconscious taunts.

"Christian, please." I pull him closer. "Don't talk, just make love to me."

"What's gotten into you, baby?" He smirks.

 _Sawyer;_ my subconscious taunts me again.

"Maybe I should go on more business trips." He suggests, playfully wiggling his brows.

 _No!_

He's not going to stop talking, and I need to get this memory out of my head. I crash my lips to his as I undress him.

Once he's naked, we fall onto the bed together, and luckily he doesn't notice it's different, new.

His hands push up my babydoll exposing my panty covered sex. Instead of waiting for him, I reach down and take them off.

Christian is sweet and gentle, like he always is while we make love, but I can't concentrate, I can't stop thinking of what I did.

"Come on, baby." He moans, "Cum for me."

I can't, I don't deserve this.

"No." I pant out. "This is for you, Christian."

"Is that a challenge?" His face displays his sexy smirk as he raises his eyebrow.

I have to look away at how happy he is.

"You know I love a challenge." He tells me.

He moves his hips in a way that it hits me just right, there's no stopping it, even if I tried.

"Christian!" I cry out as I cum with him. "Christian!"

"Oh, baby." He moans against my lips as he stills inside of me. "I love you."

"I love you, Christian." I tell him, so desperate for him to believe me and ignore the tears in my eyes.

"I love you." I repeat, holding him close. "I love you. I love you."

 _I do_. _I do. I really, really do_.

 **~..~..~**

"Wake up, baby."

I blink open my eyes when I hear Christian and see him sitting on the edge of our bed. He's dressed casual, yet sophisticated.

I didn't even realize I feel asleep.

When I look out the window, I know it's no longer morning.

"What time is it?" I yawn as I roll on my back.

"Just after 1." He tells me, looking at his watch. "Did you not get enough sleep last night?"

 _None._

"I couldn't sleep without you." A half lie, half truth.

He leans down and leaves a soft, gentle kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes in relief, hoping he'll forgive me if he ever knew what I did.

"Come on, Sleeping Beauty," He coaxes me. "Get up and I'll take you to lunch before we get our son."

"Okay."

"I'm going to call my mother and let her know we'll be there after we eat."

He stands and walks out of our room, leaving me alone.

As I lay here, the guilt is still there. I don't know what I was expecting, some sort of magical sex where we could just make love and all my sins would wash away. If I thought making love to Christian on a new bed would take away my pain, the thought of what happened here, I was wrong.

I get out of bed, still wearing my blue babydoll, sans panties, and walk towards our closet.

Since we're going out, I choose a dress. I never get to go out anymore so when I do, I like to look nice and I do need to look presentable as Christian Grey's wife. _His wife that cheated_. I feel like I should be wearing a scarlet letter A on my chest so all will know I've committed the ultimate sin in a marriage. Adultery. I'm sure many would question why I would ever cheat on such a man, but I have no excuses.

After I finish my hair and makeup, I make my way to the great room.

My heels clicking across the hard marble floor captures Christian's attention. He had his back to me, but when he hears me approaching, he turns around.

I round the corner, giving him my usual fake smile that I hide behind, though this time it's because if he knew what I did, it would kill him. But as I come closer I stop in my tracks.

Taylor is standing near the elevator ... with Sawyer.

"Come on, baby." Christian places his hand on the small of my back and leads me toward the elevator.

"Christian," I stop him, holding his arm and turning to face him. "Can we drive ourselves? It's just, it's been so long since we drove ourselves anywhere."

It's not necessarily a lie, but I just can't deal with being in the same car as ... _him._

"Sure, baby, whatever you want." He tells me then turns to Taylor letting him know we're taking Christian's R8.

The whole time they are conversing, I try to avoid Sawyer's gaze as he stares at me.

If I thought I blushed before Christian, I am definitely putting that to shame now, but this is more of an embarrassing blush.

"Come." Christian commands, holding his hand out to me.

I quietly rush to him, putting my hand in his, that ever present zing still there.

Even though we're driving ourselves, Taylor and ... Sawyer are going to follow us, so they board the elevator with us instead of using the staff elevator. And to say it feels stuffy is an understatement, but I think I'm the only one uncomfortable. I'm all but clinging to Christian, holding his hand and his forearm as we ride down in silence.

When the doors open Christian leads me to his R8, opening my door for me before he walks around to the driver's side.

I feel I can breath a little easier than in the elevator, but not by much.

 **...**

Christian pulls up to the restaurant in record time. I really do love this car and he looks so incredibly sexy behind the wheel.

We enter the Mile High club with his hand on the small of my back.

He dismisses the maître d', leading me towards the back where our private table is set up. The guests of our restaurant are all smiles when they see us; Mr. and Mrs. Grey. I put on my best fake smile, the biggest I can muster.

I wonder if they can see behind my smile, know what I've done.

 _I mean, they have to know, right?_

"Welcome back, Mr. and Mrs. Grey." Our waitress greets us.

Christian helps me into my seat then takes his opposite me. I notice a single white rose laying on the table. I know Christian requested this for me so I pick it up, smelling the natural aroma it gives off.

"Thank-you." Christian tells her then orders for the both of us before I can even look at my menu.

I seriously hate when he does that, every since he did it that night we went to eat after José's show. I mean, sure I eat what he orders, but maybe I'm in the mood for something else. I have to remind myself that he's been this way since before me and it's difficult for him to change his ways overnight. I should speak up, but with what I've done, I don't want to start nitpicking.

"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Christian brings me from my thoughts.

"Oh, nothing really."

"You sounded like it was important and my mother said you didn't want Teddy around," He prompts me. "It must be something, if you didn't want our son to overhear our conversation."

Shit, I forgot I did want to tell him about the pregnancy, but definitely not here. No, not in public where everyone can hear him scream at me. Though I do deserve that and much more, but for an entirely different reason, and I can't tell him that either.

"Oh, um..." I trail off trying to come up with something as the waitress returns with the bottle of wine that Christian ordered for us.

 _Shit!_

Oh how I'd love to drink the full bottle all to myself right now, maybe even their whole supply, but no matter how much I want it to, it wont help. I can't stop thinking of what I did to my husband. I wouldn't be able to get drunk enough to stop this pain.

My eyes suddenly widen and my cheeks heat when I remember; I can't drink, I'm pregnant! And I can't very well tell Christian that either...

 _What am I going to do?!_

"None for me, thanks." I politely decline.

"You sure?" Christian pushes.

"Yeah, I'm still tired from not getting enough sleep, combine that with alcohol, and I'll be a hot mess."

"My hot mess." His possessive nature kicks in.

"Yours." I tell him.

"Only mine."

 _Not anymore;_ my subconscious really needs to SHUT UP!

"Listen, baby," Christian reaches his hand across the table, opening it palm up, asking for mine. I remove my hands from my lap and hold his hand. "I know it's not easy loving me, and I don't know how you do it. I'm in awe by all your patience and understanding, everything you've been put through because of me, and yet you're still here. You seriously amaze me, baby."

 _Please don't say things like that to me, Christian, I'm the one that doesn't deserve you_.

"Why are you crying?" He asks, reaching across the small space between us to cup my cheek and wipe my tear with his thumb.

"I don't know, it's complicated I guess," I assist him in wiping my tears. "But I'm the one undeserving of you, Christian."

"That's just not true."

 _Oh, but it is. If you only knew_.

"I love you, Christian." I stress this to him. "I do. I really, truly do, please remember that."

"I know." He brings my hand to his lips, leaving a gentle open-mouthed kiss on my knuckles.

He gives me his megawatt smile and it lights up my heart. I wish he would smile like that if he knew we were expecting again.

I know I should tell him, but maybe if I don't tell him I'm pregnant, I can pretend he'll be excited about it.

Our waitress brings out our food, distracting us.

As I glance up, Taylor and Sawyer are in my sight. Taylor's back is to me but he's doing his normal security thing, scanning the restaurant for threats. Sawyer is facing me, and his eyes are on nothing, but me.

I quickly look away, ashamed, and begin to eat as much as I can without Christian noticing anything wrong.

While we're eating, I look up when a beautiful petite brunette walks passed our table. Christian doesn't notice her, but she's exactly his type.

 _I wonder if she's a submissive? I wonder if he misses being a dominant, instead of the romantic he is now?_

And suddenly, I feel a flash of pain in my heart at the thought of walking in on Christian in the Playroom with a sub.

The thought turns my stomach, and I have to excuse myself, rushing to the bathroom to puke my guts out.

If Christian asks, I'll just tell him I think I'm coming down with the flu. _Oh, how I wish it were the flu._

 **...**

After we finish our lunch, Christian escorts me outside.

Taylor pulls his SUV up to the curb and hops out, tossing the keys to Sawyer just as Christian tosses his keys to Taylor.

 _Oh dear, what's going on?_

Christian opens the rear door of the SUV for me, but I don't move.

"Come on, baby." He encourages me.

"I thought we were driving ourselves." I remind him, hoping I don't sound suspicious at all.

"Baby," He chuckles. "We're going to get Teddy now, we can't very well do that in the R8."

 _Shit!_ I forgot that we were going to get Teddy, and Christian doesn't let anyone drive _his_ personal cars except Taylor and I.

Putting on my fake smile that seems to come so natural, I climb into the back of the SUV.

My eyes instantly go to the rear-view, Sawyer is already looking at me.

As soon as Christian shuts his door, Sawyer begins to drive towards Bellevue.

Throughout the most uncomfortable car ride ever, Sawyer keeps glancing in the mirror at me. Just to piss him off, I hang all over Christian, giving him gentle, loving kisses every time Sawyer looks at us. Christian and I are always affectionate so he doesn't notice anything different.

And even though it was me that started this, I glare at Sawyer like it's his fault that I lost control. Like I was his prey, devoured completely, causing me to make the biggest mistake of my entire life.

Okay, so I kissed him, but it was just a kiss, he could've stopped it. And he's the one who took it to the bed.

 _Bastard!_

I'd like to blame him, for everything we did, but I know I can't.


	6. It's Wrong, I Know

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

It's been about a week since I was unfaithful to Christian. He still doesn't know, and I still haven't told him about the pregnancy, but I did manage going to the doctor to confirm without Christian knowing. I would've used my yearly as an excuse, but he didn't ask.

The doctor said I was 9 weeks, which means I am now 10 weeks along.

I can't believe I'm that far along and I didn't even know it, but the doctor said every pregnancy is different.

I know I have to, and I need to, but I'm just too terrified to tell Christian so I'm putting it off for as long as I possibly can get away with it. Maybe I'll get him drunk before I tell him so he wont leave me and get drunk with anyone he shouldn't.

Christian and I are going to a charity event tonight, GEH is one of the many sponsors so we're obligated to attend. Grace and Carrick usually join us while Mia watches Teddy, but Mia's already gone to Paris and Christian's parents wanted to stay in tonight so they are going to watch Teddy for us. Teddy's thrilled to spend the night with his grandparents.

I've finished getting ready; wearing the grey ball gown Christian chose, my hair in an elegant up-do, makeup perfected, and sexy lingerie underneath. I put on the matching stilettoes Christian got for me and walk out to the main room where he is ready and waiting for me.

"I'm ready." I announce.

"Baby," He breathes with his arms stretched out towards me. I quickly rush to him and he continues, "You look... breathtakingly beautiful doesn't even describe it."

"You look deliciously handsome yourself, stud." I tell him as I run my hands up his arms, around his neck, and play with the baby hairs at the base.

Christian puts his hands on my hips and slides them around my waist to my back, just above my behind, then gives me a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I love you." I feel the need to tell him constantly, more so than I have before.

"I love you, Anastasia." He kisses me again. "Let's go."

Thankfully it's just Christian and I in the elevator, but in the SUV however, Taylor is driving with Sawyer riding shotgun.

I haven't spoken to Sawyer since that night, I haven't even worked out and he hasn't said a word either. We haven't been alone with Gail in the apartment during the day and Christian coming home after work, so it's not like he could approach me. I just really want to forget it ever happened.

 **...**

Christian has been by my side all evening, his arm possessively around my waist. Every time we come to one of these things, I feel like he's saying, _'Look at my wife, isn't she beautiful?'_ and if they look at me too much he's like, _'Okay, that's long enough'_ , then we move on to the other business associates that are around the room.

We're halfway through our meal, the smell of fish other people are eating is getting to me but thankfully I'm not as nauseated as I was when I was pregnant with Teddy. But my bladder, however, is a different story.

"Christian," I whisper to him as we sit around the table with others. "I have to pee."

He chuckles a bit before he stands, being the perfect gentleman he is in public and assisting me. The men around our table stand as well, showing their manners towards a lady.

"Please excuse me." I tell them before I walk away.

I walk as elegantly as I can until I'm in the hallway, away from view, then I rush towards the bathrooms.

 _ **~..~..~**_

 **Sawyer-pov**

I have to convince her to be with me. I haven't spoken to Ana all week, she wont even workout anymore, now she reads during Teddy's nap.

That prick doesn't deserve her, he's such a controlling asshole. She's so sweet and naïve, believes anything anyone says to a fault. She believed me about their neighbors, granted I was only trying to help her see Grey for what he really is. After they moved back to Escala, I could sense she was pulling away from Grey, slowly but surely.

It all started a few weeks back...

It's usually tough as nails to get any information from T, but we went out drinking one night while Grey and Ana were staying home. We had the night off, but T as usually wanted to work. I somehow convinced him to go out and we got shit-faced. T didn't spill any beans while he was drunk but the next morning while we were hung-over he mentioned feeling like Grey had beat the shit out of him in that upstairs room at Escala.

And that's when I knew I had to get her away from him.

I know how manipulating controlling men can be, she wouldn't just listen to me, I had to prove it to her how much of an asshole he is so she would leave him on her own. I may have led her to believe a few things about Grey, but it was all for a good cause. It's my job to protect her, and I will do that even if it means from her own husband.

This started with me wanting to get her away from him, but then my emotions came into play. The sexual tension was building up and I wanted her to be with me. It would piss me the fuck off when men would approach her. I knew she was pulling away from Grey and I wanted to be the one she turned to, not some random stupid fucker.

 _Fuckers better back the fuck up, she's mine_.

I loved watching her run, that sexy ass in those tight yoga pants. _Mmm._ But then being on top of her while we practiced her self-defense, that takes the cake. I tried so hard not to get aroused, especially when she giggled or unknowingly bit her lip in concentration, all while I was on top of her. I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to finally have her.

And then the unimaginable happened.

Seeing her in those tiny lace panties, those stockings, no fucking bra, I was done for and almost lost control.

When she was buying these items, I couldn't help but fantasize what she would look like with them on.

 _Sexy as fuck, that's what she looked like!_

I can't believe I got so lucky.

And then she kissed me. It was unreal, like a dream come true, I almost didn't believe it happened, I legitimately thought I was dreaming.

One thing led to another and we fucked, that's right I got to fuck her. She let me so I thought she finally saw how good we could be. I almost had her, and then she felt guilty. She shouldn't, not when 15 years back Grey fucked my buddy's wife for years while they were married. He's not some fucking boy scout.

Luckily I convinced her not to tell Grey because he'll fire me.

 _Ha, like I give a fuck if that prick fires me. I could care less about this job anymore, I'm only here for her._

Hopefully she'll see him for the monster he is now, leave him and will give me a chance. I just need to talk to her, I'm sure I can convince her.

And it looks like I'm finally going to get an opportunity to talk to her.

Ana whispers something to Grey and walks towards the restrooms alone. I smirk at how convenient this is. It wont be suspicious, I'm her CPO, I'm to follow her everywhere. I may not be able to go inside the restroom with her, but I can wait for her to come out and we'll be alone.

It doesn't take long for the door to open and the beautiful brunette goddess, Aphrodite walks out.

 **Apov**

"Ana." I hear my name being called from behind me when I exit the bathroom.

When I turn around, Sawyer is standing there.

"Can we talk?" He asks.

"I have nothing to say to you." I tell him sternly, all but glaring. "Wait, on second thought, I do. Have you found another job yet?"

"No."

"Are you even looking?" I accuse him.

"Listen, I just wanted to... apologize, I guess."

"You guess?" I raise my eyebrow suspiciously and cross my arms.

"I'm not really sorry it happened, I can't be."

"Why can't you be?"

"Because..." His eyes darken and his tongue comes out to moisten his lips before he continues, "I want to do it again, very much so."

I gasp at his words.

 _How could he?!_

"Come on, Ana," He tries to coax me.

"That's _Mrs. Grey_ to you." I correct him. "And it's not going to happen again."

"You know you felt something between us." He accuses me.

"I felt _nothing_." I sneer.

"You kissed me, you started this. You had to feel something."

"It was a stupid mistake." I tell him "It will _never_ happen again."

"Don't lie to yourself, you know you want to do it again." He smirks. "It was thrilling. You liked it, Ana, just admit it."

I have the urge to slap him, but I don't, instead I turn around and walk away.

Before I leave the hallway, I glance over my shoulder and see him talking into his sleeve, probably talking with Taylor since Sawyer's job _is_ to protect me.

"Everything okay?" Christian stands when he sees me.

 _Ugh, I really don't like it when people can see through me, especially with the skeletons in my closet at the moment._

"Fine." I really do use this word too often to describe how I feel. "Can we dance?"

I need to be close to him, to my husband, and it's not time to leave yet.

"Sure, baby."

Christian leads me to the dance floor and holds me close.

This is what I needed, where I belong, in my husband's arms.

In the corner of my eye I see Sawyer watching us like a hawk.

 _It's his job, Ana_. Though I don't think that's entirely the reason why he's watching us. _Ugh, he better stop before Christian suspects something's up._

I look back at Christian as we sway to and fro on the dance floor, getting lost in his beautiful grey eyes. They shine with so much love for me. I can't believe what I did, my moment of weakness, and that I just threw our love away for one stupid night. A night that I regret so deeply.

I can't do this, I don't want to anymore, I don't want to hurt Christian even if he is unknowingly oblivious of what happened. I have to tell him, but it will only hurt him more, and I can't lose him. Maybe it's best that he stay oblivious.

Whatever happens, Sawyer needs to leave. I feel bad that I seduced him, yet I'm the one blaming him for it. But I can't have him around, as much as I know it's wrong and I regret what I've done, it was... dare I say it, exciting. Sawyer is right, in the moment it was thrilling.

This just confirms he needs to leave. If he's around, it will only weaken me and I fear I may go right back to the one thing that I need to stay away from.

 _But, I've already made the mistake..._

 **~..~..~**

I'm laying in bed with Christian holding me after we've just had sex. We're both naked, though he's sleeping. I, however, cannot sleep. I keep thinking about what happened with Sawyer earlier and how I keep blaming him. I really should apologize.

I'll wait until Monday when Christian's at work.

 _Ugh, I'm really thirsty but I don't want to get up._

With one last look at Christian's sleeping form, I carefully climb out of bed.

I grab my robe and wrap it around my body as I walk towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

As I make my way through the main room, I see a dim light in the hallway of the security suite.

It's most likely Taylor, the man seems to never sleeps.

 _Maybe it's Sawyer and you can apologize now_.

Changing directions, I head towards the security room to see who it is.

When I arrive, my subconscious was right, it is Sawyer. The door is wide open and he's sitting behind the desk going over some paperwork.

I frown, wondering what he's doing, before I knock on the door.

His head pops up when he hears the noise.

"Hey." I whisper.

He sets his papers aside and quickly stands, putting his hands behind his back, giving me his professional look.

"Mrs. Grey," He greets me formally. "What can I help you with?"

"I just wanted to apologize." I tell him as I walk inside the room. "I've been having a really hard time with what happened, and I've been blaming it entirely on you. I know it's not your fault, it's mine, and I'm sorry."

"It's not all on you, I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway."

"It's on both of us." I agree. "But I shouldn't be blaming you."

We're both quiet for awhile. I glance at the desk, but I'm unsure what the paperwork is.

"What are you doing in here so late?" I ask him as I run my finger along the desk fully of papers.

"Just research." He shrugs. "Going over a few jobs I have lined up, that sort of thing."

"So you really were looking?"

"Not really." He admits. "I just started today, tonight actually. After the way you reacted earlier, I knew you wouldn't want me here any longer. I'm doing it at this hour because I don't want Taylor or Mr. ... Grey to know I'm leaving until I find a different job."

"I'm sorry," It's all my fault he has to leave this job. "I'm so sorry."

"I thought we agreed we were both in the wrong, both at fault." He gives me a small playful smile to lighten the mood. "Ana, you have to stop blaming yourself, blaming me. It happened, we can't change it, but you shouldn't feel so much remorse. Trust me."

He's only saying that because he wants to do it again.

I can't.

But I kind of... want to.

 _What do you do when you know something's bad for you, yet you can't stay away? The chaotic mess I'm in is like a bad accident; it looks painful, you don't want it to happen, but your curiosity causes you to slow down and you can't turn away._

 _Turn away, Ana._

"I should go." I tell myself.

He nods, giving me a small understanding smile, and sits back behind the desk to continue his work.

I walk towards the entryway, but before I walk through the threshold, I stop.

Inside I'm screaming, begging, pleading no more, to continue walking out this door, to let it be over and just walk away. But I can't move. I know once I walk out this door, the thrill will be gone. I love Christian, I do, but this with Luke is exciting.

 _Walk away, Ana. Just. Walk. Away_.

It's wrong, I know, but I place my hand on the door and slowly, quietly close it, making sure I lock it.

When I turn around, Luke is still working, oblivious that I'm still in the room.

"Luke." I call his attention.

He looks up in question, but stays silent.

I reach up and push my robe off my shoulders letting it fall to the floor in a pool around my feet, exposing my naked body.

His eyes fuck me greedily as he shifts in his chair.

I'm already wet when he stands and stalks towards me.

Our lips crash together in an urgent, desperate kiss as we collide with the wall. He easily lifts me and I wrap my legs around his waist.

While he holds me against the wall, I undo his pants and reach my hand inside to stroke him. He moans in pleasure against my lips.

We didn't use protection before because we were in the heat of the moment, but I saw Luke's background check, it said he's clean and I'm already pregnant.

I take him out and line him up with my opening and in one quick thrust, he's entered me. I bite my lip to stop me from moaning.

It's like a drug, I'm infected. It's ecstasy, and I'm addicted to the thrill.


	7. Too Late To Regret

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

It's been about a month since Luke and I started this little affair. I love Christian, but this is so much fun and exciting, the thrill gives me an adrenaline rush. Luke and I only mess around if Teddy and Christian are not home so it's few and far between, but this weekend Grace and Carrick wanted to take Teddy on their new boat and Christian is gone on a business trip. Taylor is with Christian and since Gail isn't needed, she's with her sister in Portland.

Luke and I are alone all weekend.

Luke and I are not 'playing house', I have a family, we're just having sex. I'm no longer hiding behind a smile. I'm not happy, but it's not a fake smile anymore. And now when anyone asks how I am, I don't say 'fine'.

We don't have sex in the main apartment, it's usually in Luke's room, though we did have sex in the security office a few times, and in the SUV parked behind some abandoned building.

I still haven't told Christian about the pregnancy, Luke doesn't know either, nobody knows, but I am showing a little bump now so it wont be long before my hand is forced for me. I can't hide it much longer. Christian is the only one who has said anything about my weight gain, but I used the excuse that I haven't been working out anymore.

I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamed this was all a nightmare, this whole thing with Luke never happened in reality, I woke and told Christian about the pregnancy and he was overjoyed. Christian and I expressed our love for each other and then we made love.

With my eyes still closed, I smile when I feel him run his hand across my stomach and pull me close to his bare chest. He doesn't mention anything about my bump, nobody's mentioned it to me except for Christian, but that man notices every little change about my body.

I push back against his body enjoying the feel of him as he kisses my bare shoulder, slowly moving up to my neck.

I roll over to face him.

"Good morning, beautiful." He looks so happy and carefree. "I love waking with you wrapped in my arms."

"Morning, Luke," I don't share his sentiments. I enjoy the excitement of what we are doing, but that's about as far as that goes. Call me a whore, I don't care.

He leans down, and I know he's going to kiss me, but I turn my head away.

"What's wrong?"

"I haven't brushed my teeth." I tell him.

He chuckles, running his finger along my cheek.

I rush out of his bed and run my naked behind in his bathroom so I can use his toothbrush. It's still wet so I know he's recently used it.

I look over my shoulder at him still in bed; huge smile on his face, hands behind his head, and I wonder how long he's been awake.

 _Was he watching me sleep? Like Christian does?_

Pushing that thought out of my mind, I brush my teeth in double time.

When I'm done I rush back to him giggling and excited.

Now that I have fresh breath, we kiss.

He pulls me underneath him, and continues to kiss me. He caresses my body softly. I spread my legs for him and he easily sinks into my warm, wet core. I moan when he pulls back, but instead of pounding into me like he usually does he continues at this slow, gentle pace.

"Faster, Luke." I complain. "Harder."

"I want to make love, Ana."

My body is immediately tense at the word. _Love._

"What?" I can just barely get the word out.

"I want to make love." He repeats, continuing to be gentle.

"No." I push him away so he's forced to pull out.

"Why not?" He asks confused.

"This is just sex, that's it."

"It's not just sex and you know it." He accuses me.

"It is just sex," I correct him. "I'm married."

 _Oh gawd that sounded awful_. It shouldn't be 'just sex' _because_ I'm married.

"I want to show you how good it can be."

"I _know_ how good it is." My tone is firm and almost accusatory.

"Good." He leans down, but I stop him, putting my hands on his shoulders, arms straight.

"Stop!"

"Ana-" He tries to reason with me.

I do the self defense move he taught me, but without kicking him, and climb off the bed.

"What is this?" I ask him. "Why are you doing this?"

I'm standing naked before him and he's kneeling naked on his bed.

"I'm not blind, Ana, I see the way he treats you."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" I growl at him.

"Do you _really_ think he loves you?"

"How dare you! Of course he loves me, and I love him!"

"Does he love you, like I do?"

"What?" I breathe.

 _Please no_.

"I love you, Ana."

 _Oh god, no!_

"I know you love me too." He accuses me after a long pause of silence. "You told me you loved me."

"No I didn't." _I wouldn't, and if I did I would've remembered._

"In your sleep."

 _Great, he_ was _watching me_.

"I want to be with you," He continues. "When you leave Grey, we can be together."

"I'm not leaving him, I never said I would, why would you think that?"

"He's brainwashed you, manipulated you into believing what you have is love, don't you see that?"

"Fuck you!" I bite back.

"Ana," He finally climbs off the bed to stand in front of me. "We don't have to live this way."

I can't speak, I just stand here gawking at him. I can't believe what he's saying. We agreed no emotions.

"I'm falling for you." He tells me

"Well, I'm not falling for you," I snap out of it to tell him, "I love Christian, I will only ever love Christian!"

"You don't mean that."

"I do!" I insist.

"So you don't love me?"

"No!" He looks broken so I try to appease him a bit. "I mean, not like that."

"Do you think of me when he's holding you, kissing you, fucking you?"

"NO." I tell him firmly.

"Don't you know what kind of monster he is?"

I don't think, I just react. I slap him hard across his face.

Before he can do or say anything, I'm gathering my pajamas from last night.

"Please stay." I hear him beg me as I quickly dress in my bottoms and my tank top, but I ignore him.

After I'm dressed, I storm towards his bedroom door, throwing it open.

"Ana." He calls to me before I walk out.

"This is over!" I tell him, slamming the door as I leave.

I make my out to the main room of the apartment, but just as I make it to the kitchen, I freeze.

Christian is coming out of our bedroom, still dressed in his signature grey suit.

 _What is he doing home so soon?!_

 _Dear, meet headlights_.

"There you are." He sounds relieved when he sees me.

"You're home early." I comment. _Oh god, what he could've walked in on._

"We finished negotiations sooner than I thought we would." He explains.

We walk towards each other, meeting in the middle, but as we get closer his face morphs from happy to pure rage in seconds.

He's not looking at my face, it almost looks like he's looking over my shoulder. I flush when I think he could be looking at Luke.

 _Fuck! I hope Luke didn't follow me! He's naked!_

I quickly look behind me but there's nobody there. We're alone. I look back at Christian and now he looks murderous.

"What's wrong?" I ask him gently. He was happy seconds earlier.

"What the fuck is that?"

"What?" I don't know what he's talking about.

"On your neck, Anastasia." He growls at me between his teeth.

I instinctively reach up, touching my neck, but I don't feel anything.

He roughly grabs my hand and drags me to our bedroom.

He shoves so I'm standing in front of our floor length mirror.

"That, Anastasia!" He yells at me, while I stare in horror at the hickey on my neck.

 _Oh my god, why would Luke do this?!_ He must of done this last night because he didn't have the chance to do anything this morning.

"It's not what you think." I weakly explain the unexplainable.

"Not what I think?!" He roars my question right back. "I think it's exactly what I think, because I sure as hell didn't give that to you."

I can't see Christian, he's not in view of the mirror, but I do hear a crash behind me. It causes me to jump, however I don't turn around to see what he's throw.

"Who?" He asks quietly now.

"It doesn't matter," I tell him. "It's over."

"You're damn right it's over!" He's shouting again. "I want to know who the fuck it is, Anastasia, and I want to know now! I'm going to fucking kill him!"

"Christian-" I finally turn around to face him.

He's pacing the floor, hand ripping his hair out. His suit jacket is off now and thrown on the floor without a care, his shirt sleeves are rolled up and I can see the veins popping out as his hands grasp his hair. He's panting like a caged lion ready to strike. His tie is next to come off and then he loosens a few buttons near his neck, pulling at the collar as he does.

"And you!" He stops to glare at me. "How could you do this to me?! Don't I give you what you need?"

Before I can answer he continues.

"I give you everything, Anastasia, everything! You want for nothing, I gave up my lifestyle for you!"

"I know."

"Are you punishing me?"

"What?" _Why would I be punishing him?_

"Answer me." He demands. "Are you doing this to punish me?"

"No," I begin cry. "No, I wasn't doing it to punish you, Christian."

"I tried so hard to be all that you wanted," He tells me quietly now. "You knew, and I told you, I don't do hearts and flowers, romance, it's not who I am but I tried for you. I asked you for patience, Anastasia."

"It wasn't like that, it wasn't emotional." _For me, at least_.

"What, you weren't getting enough from me?" He asks angrily. "My god, Anastasia, we have so much fucking sex it's nearly constant. Why the fuck would you look elsewhere, it's not like I'm neglecting you."

"It was just sex." I weakly explain.

His face morphs and he looks pained. It's breaking my heart seeing him like this. I knew it would hurt him.

"In my bed?!"

"No," I shake my head, but then I remember, it started here. "Well, yes, but-"

"But nothing, Anastasia! For fuck's sake, in our fucking bed?!"

He continues his pacing, panting, hair pulling, while I continue to cry.

"And here I thought I would be the one to fuck this up, but no, you've proved me wrong."

"I'm sorry, Christian." I cry.

"It's a bit late to be remorseful, Anastasia!" He roars at me now. "I thought we were in love! We had magic, baby, you and me, and now, I don't know what to think... I never suspected... I mean, how could you?"

I can barely get anything out, I'm crying so much. I knew this would hurt him if he found out, I never wanted him to know and I didn't want him to find out like this.

"Tell me." He's quiet again. His tones are frightening, both when he's loud and quiet, I'm not sure which I'm more afraid of.

"Why don't you love me?" His voice cracks and it makes me cry further. "Why?"

"I do!"

"No you don't." I can tell he's on the verge of tears but he's holding back.

"Yes, I do, Christian, I do!"

"I want to know who it is, and I want to know NOW!" He growls at me. "You better fucking tell me or so help me, I'll ask Sawyer."

My eyes widen at his name.

Realization hits him like a ton of bricks.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Christian takes off like a bat out of hell, nearly ripping the door from the hinge when he throws it open. I have to run just to keep up with him.

"No, Christian!" I pull his arm trying to stop him, but my attempts are useless. He's dragging me with him on the way to the staff apartment.

I have to stop him, Christian will go to prison for killing Luke.

"It's not his fault."

"The fuck it isn't, he knew you were married!"

"Christian, please," I beg him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"You're not sorry," He tells me, continuing to walk. "You're only sorry because I caught you."

"I _am_ sorry, I'll even let you punish me."

"Oh, baby," He finally stops. "You wouldn't want me to punish you, I would _never_ let you cum again."

I swallow hard. With the way he's glaring at me, I know he means it.

He's punished me with orgasm denial before, it's the only time I called 'Red' in the Playroom, but I'd gladly take the punishment if meant he'd forgive me. I'd even take the bite of the belt again, anything, but him leaving me. But I know it wont be that simple.

"I ended it." I tell him desperately.

"I don't give a shit if you ended it, do you really think that fucking matters?!" He glares at me in disgust. "It should've never happened, Anastasia."

I'm about to respond, but a voice on the other side of the room stops me.

"Ana-"

Christian and I both turn towards the hallway that leads to the staff apartment when we hear Luke.

He walks into the main room only wearing his boxer briefs and when he sees Christian, he freezes.

"Fuck!" Luke breathes.

It takes Christian less than a second to knock Luke on his ass.

"Christian!" I try desperately to pull Christian off of Luke. I don't want Christian to get into trouble if he does end up killing Luke.

They continue to exchange punches, ignoring me and my desperate attempt at keeping them apart.

At this point Taylor has come running into the room from the security office so he can help me separate the two men.

Christian shoves me off of him. I end up on my bottom, sitting on the floor. Whether it was intentional or not, I don't know.

"Don't fucking touch her like that!" Luke growls at Christian.

"She's MY fucking WIFE, I can do whatever the fuck I want!" Christian throws another hard punch.

I've lost it all. There's nothing left. I have nothing to lose and nothing to gain. It's over, it's all over. The high I got wasn't worth it.

I'm still sitting on the floor where I landed, Taylor is still trying to keep Christian from killing Luke with his bare hands, and everyone is yelling.

Just then I feel a flutter deep within my stomach. I'm not sure if it's the baby but-

"I'm pregnant." I whisper, although it seems like I yelled it.

Suddenly it's silent.

When I look up, they all have a different expression; Taylor has a look of concern, Luke looks ecstatic, and Christian... Christian looks just how I feared he would. He looks even more upset than when I told him about Teddy, though my memory may be unclear at the moment and his reaction could be mixed with learning about the affair. I don't understand why Luke looks so happy. And then I realize, the reason Luke looks so pleased is because he probably thinks it's his.

"I found out BEFORE the affair." I tell them, only looking at Christian.

Christian shakes his head at me.

"Get him out of here." Christian orders Taylor.

"Ana." Luke begs me but I don't respond, I keep my eyes on Christian.

"Taylor, if you don't get him out of here right-fucking-now," Christian snaps. "I'm going to fucking murder him! And you're going to help me hide the body!"

"Let's go, Sawyer." I hear Taylor's disappointment in his tone and then I see them move, Luke a bit reluctantly.

Needless to say, Luke lost his job.

"How long?" Christian asks me, his tone the quietest he's ever been.

"Just over a month." I suspect he's asking how long I've been sleeping with Luke, but I don't want to add that detail.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"I was terrified of your reaction." I answer truthfully, not able to look at him anymore. "Because of how you acted when I told you about Teddy."

He's still quiet, but I can't look at him.

 _Maybe he's asking how long I've been pregnant?_

"I'm about 15 weeks along." I tell him.

"For fuck's sake, Anastasia." He breathes. "I wanted another baby."

"What?!" I quickly look up at him.

"We talked about it after Teddy was born, don't you remember? We agreed to wait until he was at least 2 before we started trying."

"I just gave birth, Christian, I thought you were just saying that to make me feel better about how you reacted."

"Didn't you notice we haven't been going to your shot appointments?"

"Well, no, I just thought-.. I-.. I don't know what to say. I mean, you didn't tell me. I guess with everything else, like us moving, I just forgot."

"What do you mean, us moving?"

"Well, you forced us to move back here because that neighbor wouldn't sell you his house, so you made us leave our home. I know you were jealous-"

"Anastasia!" He growls my name frustrated. "Why the fuck would you think that? I told you the move back to Escala was temporary."

"Temporary?" _He never said that._

"The neighbors were remolding, demolishing their whole house and building from the ground up like I wanted to do with ours. I didn't want you or Teddy to have to see such a site, I didn't want your view to be of construction, and I worried about it being around Teddy."

"But you went over there, trying to talk him into selling?"

"I went there to tell him about Elliot's company." He says, explaining, "They've never been to Seattle and were looking for a construction company to rebuild their new home. His family was still in New York until the house was complete. It makes no fucking sense for me to want to buy their home, it not like the houses are all that close, Anastasia."

 _His family?!_ That's not what Luke said.

"Christian-" I don't know what to say, but at least Christian is calm now. And he wants the baby.

"What now?" I ask him.

"Now? You leave. Better yet, stay here, I don't want anything to do with this place anymore. It holds too many memories and now my bedroom is tainted."

"Chr-is-tian." I gasp, stuttering his name. "No."

"Yes, Anastasia."

"I love you," I'm desperately pleading. "I'm sorry."

"How can I ever trust you again?" He asks then answers, "I can't."

"We have a family-"

"That's right, we have a family. I can't believe you would do this to us." He says, "What the fuck did you expect? You fucked another man, in our fucking bed, Anastasia. How do I know you're pregnant with _my_ baby?"

"It's your baby, Christian, I can prove it." I tell him, "You can't leave me."

"I can and I will. You know, before I thought I didn't have a heart and you proved me wrong. And then there was a time where I was terrified you would leave me, but now... I'm no longer broken, so thank you, Anastasia, you've made me stronger."

I can never tell when Christian is lying but the way his voice it cracking, I know he's not telling me the truth. I've hurt him.

"I'm sorry, Christian, please-" I start to beg him again but he interrupts me.

"No, it's done."

"If you leave me," I begin my threat. "I'm keeping Teddy."

"The fuck you will." He laughs, but not in a funny ha-ha type of way.

"You didn't even want him!"

His face turns cold.

"That's a low blow, Anastasia," He growls. "But I guess with what you've done, that's expected."

He turns on his heal and stalks towards the foyer.

"Christian!" I scream his name.

He doesn't stop so I finally get up off the floor and follow him.

"Christian!"

"It's too late." He casually says as he calls the elevator.

"No," I don't believe that. "No, it's not, please."

"It is," He steps inside the elevator once it arrives.

When he turns around I can see the pain I've caused in his eyes as a single tear escapes.

"You've lost me."

 _I can't lose him, I can't!_

"No!" I cry out.

The doors close, he's gone and I fall to my knees.

"No!" I gasp for air, I can't breath. "Please, no!"

 _Oh god, I've lost him_.


	8. After Effects

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

Months have passed since I was unfaithful to Christian, he forgave me and we've been happier than ever.

If only I that were true.

The truth is I've been licking my wounds every since, trying desperately to fix this, but I'm afraid the venom is too deep to clean this mess up. It seems I'll never wake from this nightmare. If only it were just a dream, a sick and twisted dream. I miss Christian, I miss Teddy, and I can't grasp the fact that I've lost them.

I can't stop my suffering, the walls are constantly closing in and I can't stop the ache. I'm alone, just like I deserve to be.

I haven't seen Christian since he tried to get me to sign divorce papers. I wouldn't sign them and I haven't heard from him since.

 _~FLASHBACK~_

 _It's been a weeks since I've seen Christian and Teddy. I've tried calling Christian, even going to the house on the Sound, but they aren't there. I'm not sure where they are but I suspect they are staying with Christian's parents. I've been staying at Escala, alone. My last resort is GEH._

 _Before I decided on going to GEH, however, Christian finally sent me an email asking me to meet him there._

Finally!

 _I quickly got ready and rushed to Grey House in my Saab._

 _When I walk through the main doors, all eyes are on me. I know it's because I'm the CEO's wife, but I can't help but feel they know what I've done and are looking at me with hatred and disgust. It's exactly the way I look at my reflection in the mirror._

 _I hurry to the elevator and thankfully I'm alone._

 _It's so hard not to cry, I've been crying nonstop all day and every night._

 _"Good morning, Mrs. Grey." Andrea greets me when I walk towards her desk._

 _"Morning,"_ It's not very good _. "Christian asked me to meet him here."_

 _"Yes, ma'am," She stands from her desk. "This way please."_

 _I don't know if I should be worried but she passes Christian's office and leads me to a conference room._

 _She gestures for me to walk in after opening the door for me._

 _When I enter, Christian isn't in here, only a man and a woman I've never seen before._

 _I look back at Andrea in question, but she's already walking back to her desk._

 _"Mrs. Grey." The woman greets me._

 _"I'm Cynthia Peony, your counsel." She shakes my hand. "And this is Tucker Hart, your husband's attorney."_

Tucker Hart, my husband's attorney? She's my counsel?

Oh my god!

 _The realization of what's happening hits me so hard in my chest that I almost fall from the force. He's going to take my heart, my broken heart that I've caused, and she's going to take all my flowers away. I will no longer have his heart if this happens. This can't happen, I wont let it._

 _"Wh-where's Christian?"_

 _"Your husband has chosen not to participate in today's meeting, but I assure you, Mr. Hart will handle everything on his behalf, and we've both signed the non-disclosure agreements already." She tells me. "Your husband has his copy and your copy is in the paperwork."_

 _Ms. Peony leads me to the side of the table she was sitting at. I sink in my chair as I stare at all the paperwork around the table._

 _"Mrs. Grey," Mr. Hart begins, "Your husband would like this to go as smoothly as possible, and has left you financially-"_

 _"No," Interrupt him. "I want to speak with Christian."_

 _"I'm sorry, Mrs. Grey,-"_

 _"I wont sign anything unless I speak with Christian." I tell him firmly._

 _I would laugh at the way he seems uncomfortable, torn between listening to his boss and his boss's... wife._

 _"If you'll give me a moment." He says flustered, excusing himself._

 _Ms. Peony is speaking, praising all the 'wonderful' things Christian's left me, but I don't want them, I don't want the material items, nothing means anything without Christian. I want him. I can't stop staring at the papers, 'irreconcilable differences' smacking me in the face. I wonder why infidelity, adultery isn't on there._

 _The door finally opens again, I can feel him so I look up knowing he's in the room._

 _Christian walks in with all his sexy confidence, portraying the phenomenal CEO he is. His impassive face gives nothing away. With one look to the lawyers and a nod, they scatter from the room, leaving us alone._

 _"What's the problem?" He demands, standing across from me with his hands in his pockets, the table between us._

 _"I don't want this, Christian, I want us-"_

 _"Anastasia," He interrupts me, shakes his head and says, "It's too late."_

 _"No, no I don't believe that. We could go to counseling or something, anything. It's still fresh and you're still hurting, I understand that, but don't give up on us, Christian, please."_

 _He laughs once. "I've been in counselling my whole life, that shit doesn't work."_

 _"Please, Christian." I beg him. "I hate that you're leaving me."_

 _"Ironic, huh?"_

 _"He didn't mean anything." I insist._

 _"Except when you needed him."_

 _"I didn't need him, I_ needed _you."_

 _He laughs once._

 _"I love you." I tell him desperately._

 _"For fuck's sake, Ana, even Elena was faithful," He throws the bitch-troll in my face. But they cheated; she was married to Linc when Christian and Elena were together. "Okay maybe not her, but all the others before you were strictly monogamous."_

 _"He's out of my life." I whisper._

 _"And what about the next one?"_

 _"There wont be," I look up, begging for him to believe me. "I promise."_

 _I look at his left hand, but it's tucked inside his pocket so I can't see if he's still wearing his ring or not._

 _"What more do you want in order for you to sign?" He ignores my pleading attempts._

 _"I'm not signing that!" I angrily push the documents away from me._

 _"I'll give you anything, it means nothing to me anymore. I've left you Escala, your cars, Grey Publishing, a shit load of cash, what else do you want, Anastasia?"_

 _"What about Teddy? And-" I stop from saying anything about our new baby growing inside of me, instead I hold my now noticeable bump._

 _"I wont keep our children from you, you're their mother." He tells me. "We'll co-parent."_

 _"Christian, please, what can I do?"_

 _"You can sign those papers."_

 _"I wont," I'll never sign them._

 _"Anastasia," He warns me with his brow raised, "I don't need your signature to get a divorce."_

 _I can't believe he can say_ that _word so easily like that, like he's talking about the weather instead._

 _~END OF FLASHBACK~_

I didn't sign the papers that day and Christian hasn't pushed for the divorce, thank god. We're still married, separated but married.

I'm now full blown pregnant, ready to pop. I have a new CPO because regardless of what's happened, I am still a billionaire's wife. I'm not sure what happened with Luke, I haven't spoken to him, the last I saw him was _that_ day my life was ruined. I'm sure Christian has done something to Luke, but since Christian wont talk to me I don't know what.

I've been trying to talk to Christian since he left me. He will only communicate with me via text or email, we don't speak on the phone, and our conversation is only about Teddy and my pregnancy. I send him sonograms of our baby, we send each other photos of Teddy, but that's about it. If I go off subject, he ends our conversation.

Our family knows what happened, they don't know the details of course, but they know that Christian and I are separated and why.

I'm so ashamed of what I've done and every time I pick Teddy up I can see the disappointment in Grace's face. Carrick just avoids me like the plague. They don't ask me any questions and I don't volunteer any information, I just pick Teddy up or drop him off and leave. It's extremely uncomfortable but Christian doesn't want to see me so this is how we exchange Teddy.

I hate that I've hurt so many people.

At least I still see my Teddy bear, he's been my rock, the only thing besides the baby I'm carrying that keeps me going. I have him during the week since Christian is busy with GEH. Thank goodness Christian didn't keep Teddy from me.

It's Sunday; the day I pick up Teddy from Christian's parents, so I'm on my way to Grey Manor now.

There is still tension between us but thankfully it's not as bad as the first time I picked Teddy up from them.

 _~FLASHBACK~  
_

 _I'm so nervous as I make my way up the front steps of the Grey home. My whole body is shaking as I lift my hand and knock on the door._

 _Christian said I could have Teddy this week but I had to pick him up from his parents. Of course he still wouldn't speak to me over the phone so this was all agreed via email. I'm not sure if he's told them anything, I hope he hasn't, but I know that's wishful thinking._

 _When the door opens, Grace is standing there. She's not smiling at me, she's glaring. And that's when I know they know._

 _"Anastasia." She says my name so coldly. "Come in."_

 _"Thank you." I say quietly and follow her inside._

 _She leads me to Carrick's office. I know Teddy wouldn't be in there, I don't think, so I wonder why we're going in there._

 _The door is cracked open so Grace pushes it and we walk in. Carrick is seated behind his desk, Teddy no where in sight._

 _"Where's Teddy?" I whisper, I can't find my voice._

 _"He's with Gretchen," Grace tells me as she sits on the arm of Carrick's chair. "Have a seat, we'd like to speak with you."_

 _I blow out a deep breath and sit across from them._

 _"Christian's told us what happened, I'm sure he's left quite a bit out." Carrick begins. "I understand your marital problems are none of our business, but he's-"_

 _"How could you?!" Grace interrupts Carrick's lecture._

 _"I know what I did was wrong-"_

 _"Wrong?!" Grace shouts. "I thought you loved my son, I thought you were the best thing to ever happen to him, you're pregnant for heaven's sake, Anastasia!"_

 _"I do love him-"_

 _"Don't you sit there and lie to me!" Grace interrupts me again. "If you truly loved him, you wouldn't of done this. I cannot believe what you did. I can't even look at you."_

 _"Christian told me he's considering filing for divorce." Carrick tells me, and it confuses me because I've already met with Christian about it. So it seems Christian isn't being truthful to his parents or he doesn't want anyone to know the full details of what happened. He probably blames himself. I hope he's seeing Flynn and I hope Flynn corrects Christian's self-loathing. It's all my fault, I did this, not him._

 _"I told him this is why he should've had you sign a prenup." Carrick throws the 'gold-digger' look at me, demanding to know, "Are you going to take him for all he's worth?"_

 _"No," I quickly shake my head. "I don't want anything, I just want him, I want my family back."_

 _"Ha!" Grace laughs. "You've really shown how much you want him, you little-." She stops from calling me every name in the book, instead she makes a disgusted sound and stands, looking_ _out the window instead of at me._

 _"You can't tell me anything I don't already know." I tell them. "I know I messed up, it's my fault that I lost him, that I lost my family, but I will do anything, anything for Christian to forgive me. I can't tell you how sorry I am, but I'm going to fight like hell to get him back."_

 _~END OF FLASHBACK~_

Usually Grace greets me at the door, but today, Gretchen, the Greys' housekeeper answers.

"They are in the dining room, Mrs. Grey." She tells me.

"Thank you."

I waddle my pregnant self towards the dining room where I hear conversation and laughter. Gretchen returns to the kitchen.

When I reach the threshold, my whole world stops. Christian is here and that's not all, there's a brunette sitting next to him. She's just his type too.

 _Oh my god. This is worse than him finding a submissive, he's found someone else, someone vanilla._

My heart shatters on the spot.

"Mama!" Teddy squeals when he sees me, making everyone look in my direction.

"Ana," I can hear the nervous tone Grace uses as she stands and rounds the table. She glances towards Christian and I follow her gaze. He's looking at me but this time it's not with hatred, he's sad and his eyes are straight on my protruding belly. Just as I haven't seen him, he hasn't seen me.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to phone you." Grace calls my attention. "Carrick and I wanted to keep Teddy tonight."

"Oh," _I guess I'll just go home_. "That's fine." I tell Grace.

"Since you're here," She continues. "Why don't you stay for dinner?"

 _Is she kidding?!_

She's probably just putting on a show for Teddy or maybe throwing it in my face that Christian has moved on, so I politely decline her offer.

"Thank you, but-"

"Nonsense." She doesn't let me finish.

Grace takes my arm and helps me towards the table.

I sit next to Teddy, who is all over my baby bump like he always is. Christian is on his other side so Teddy is between us.

All eyes are on us, I know, but I avoid them, and Christian's stare as I interact with Teddy.

The tension in the room is crazy, you could cut it with a feather, but Teddy makes this easy. We all have to be on our best behavior for him. I know they all want to know what's happening between us, I'm sure Christian hasn't said anything, he's always been a very private man, but they wont say anything in front of Teddy.

Mia looks around confused by everyone's reaction towards me.

"You're looking great, Ana." Mia is the first to break the silence. She's been in Paris during this whole mess, just returned yesterday so she doesn't know what's going on, I don't think. Unless they've told her, which I doubt, she's the only one who doesn't give me a sympathetic or nasty look so I'm pretty sure she doesn't know.

"Thank you." I give her a small smile as Gretchen brings in a plate for me.

I haven't had much of an appetite, I'm so much smaller than I was with Teddy, but I force myself to eat and be healthy for the baby.

"How much longer?" Mia continues.

 _How much longer will I suffer? Forever_.

"Until the baby comes?" She clarifies when I stay quiet.

"I'm due in three weeks," And I had to go through my whole pregnancy alone. My mother said she couldn't come, something about Bob needing her. Ray wasn't happy with me when he learned what happened, he said he stilled loved me but I didn't need him, I needed my husband. I haven't bothered to ask Christian's family for anything, and Kate has turned Team Christian overnight. She said she never liked Christian but he didn't deserve what I did. She told me if I was unhappy I should've said something to him or divorced him, not cheat. Nobody understands why I did it, and I don't want to explain myself. All my reasons are inexcusable anyway.

My heart is racing being near Christian, my body reacting to him, knowing he's here.

"Oh, wow!" Mia cheers, bringing me from my thoughts. "I know Christian said at the end of the month, but I didn't believe him."

I risk a glance at Christian through my lashes. He's not looking at me but at my plate, frowning.

I want to scream, _I'm sorry_ for the millionth time, but I know it wouldn't matter.

"Oh!" Mia squeals. "We should take a photo! It may be the last family photo before the new baby arrives."

She jumps up, and helps me to stand, ignoring my refusal.

"Come on, Christian." She tells him, "Grab Teddy, you'll have to hold him."

Yeah, she definitely doesn't know what's been happening. The way everyone's eyes bug out at her suggestion is comical.

I'm surprised Christian complies with her demand. The brunette must not be here for him if he's willing to take a family photo and she's smiling about it.

Mia moves us to stand in front of the fireplace. Everyone takes out their phones to take the photos, everyone except the brunette. Thankfully Kate has mine and is taking a photo for me. I may not have my family together, but at least I'll have a photo of us.

Christian is standing next to me, holding Teddy is his arms. We look so uncomfortable, well, I do. Then Christian does the unexpected; he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. My breathing shutters and I hold my breath, my heart is going to pound out of my chest at any given moment. All my blood has rushed to were he's holding me. It feels so good to be in his arms again, but I quickly pull away and sit back at my seat when they are finished taking pictures so we can continue with dinner.

 **...**

This is the most uncomfortable 'family' dinner we've ever had. Everyone seems to be walking on eggshells, never knowing what to say. I've received my fair share of death glares throughout. I found out the brunette is Mia's friend, nothing to do with Christian, thank god. Just seeing her next to Christian is enough to torture me though, just thinking of him moving on without me. The only positive is Christian _is_ still wearing his ring.

Halfway through dinner Teddy, my shield, started drifting. And since he's staying with Grace and Carrick tonight, Mia took him to his room here, leaving me to fend for myself.

Since the baby likes to lay on my bladder, I excuse myself to use the restroom.

I'm not sure how much longer I can stay here, it's just too weird and I'm extremely uncomfortable. We still have half our meal left but I think I should just leave. I was only invited for Teddy's behalf anyway and since he's sleeping there's no reason for me to be here.

As I exit the bathroom, I hear deep voices come from the kitchen so I head there in stealth mode.

Normally I wouldn't eavesdrop, but I have to know how they really see me.

"Is that why you didn't push for the divorce?" Elliot asks and I know he's talking to Christian.

I don't hear Christian's response.

"Would you?" I hear Elliot ask him.

"That's a hard question." My breathing stops when I finally hear Christian. He's been quiet throughout dinner so I haven't heard him speak, it's been months since I've heard his voice. "I mean, she's my first love, the love of my life, we have Teddy, she's pregnant... I see how much she regrets it, the pain it's caused us is unbearable. I feel guilty, like I pushed her to do it, but I know I shouldn't feel that way. Now we're both left as shells, our lives will forever be changed because of it, but... I just don't know if we could reconcile after what she did."

 _No, please, no. Don't say that, Christian._

"Do you want to?"

I hold my breath waiting for his reply.

It seems like I'm waiting years when he finally answers.

"Yeah." He sighs, "However,-"

A sob escapes me so I don't hear what else he says. I quickly to cover my mouth with my hand so they don't hear me.

"Why don't you two see Flynn?" Elliot asks. "Get some counseling..."

Elliot continues but someone coming down the stairs distracts me.

When I turn around I see Mia rounding the stairs with a baby monitor in her hand.

I quickly make my way back to the dining room before Elliot and Christian come out of the kitchen and see me listening.

When I walk in, Kate, Grace and Carrick seem to be having a heated conversation, but quickly act like they weren't.

I know they were talking about me, everyone must hate me.

"He's out like a light." Mia announces as she walks in behind me. She sits across from her friend, who looks confused. She must of overheard Kate, Grace and Carrick talking about me and is wondering why on earth I would cheat on a man like Christian.

Christian and Elliot come in next and take their seats.

I'm just standing near the door, in the spot I've been in since walking through the threshold, everyone is seated and staring at me. I'm not sure if they are waiting for me to leave or waiting for me to sit with them again while we finish eating.

I can't do this, I can't be here anymore.

"I have to go." I blurt out.

"I'm so sorry," I tell Christian one last time before I burst into tears and run from the dining room.

This pain makes me want to harm myself so I don't have to suffer anymore, but I know I can't. _Not while I'm pregnant at least_.

"Ana!" Kate calls after me, Elliot hot on her trail.

"Ana," She finally catches up with me.

"What?" I sniff.

Suddenly, and before Kate can continue, I feel a tightness in my stomach, a sharp pain in my back, and then liquid leaks down my leg.

"Oh my god." I look down.

"What?" Kate asks.

"My water broke." I tell her. "I'm going into labor."

"MOM!" Elliot, who has been silent this whole time, calls for Grace.

I look towards the dining room and see everyone rushing out with Christian taking the lead.

A contraction hits me and when he sees the pain I'm in, he rushes towards me.

I'm once again in his arms.

"What's wrong?" He asks me with his hand on my bump.

This is the first time he's spoken to me since he asked for a divorce, the first time I've looked into his eyes in months. He has a haunted, guarded look, I can see his pain. The pain I caused. I will never forgive myself for hurting him.

Before I can answer him, the baby moves and another contraction hits. He can feel the tightness in my stomach.

"I'm in labor." I tell him what he already knows by now.

He easily lifts me in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and he carries me out.

"Tell Mia to stay here with Teddy." I hear Grace from behind us.

When I look over Christian's shoulder, Grace is following us along with Kate and Elliot.

I look in front of us when I hear a door being open and see Taylor hold the SUV door open for us.

Christian climbs in, still holding me, and Grace climbs into the front seat.

"Ah." I quietly groan when I feel the tightness again.

"It'll be okay." Christian comforts me as Taylor drives. "We'll be at the hospital soon and we'll get you some pain meds."

"No," I deserve to be in pain.

Remembering what Christian told Elliot, that he feels like it's all his fault, hurts me more. I'm surprised I haven't been banished, but I'm sure Teddy has a lot to do with it, and now the new baby. I hate that Christian feels like this is his fault, it's not. It's all my fault.

"I'm so sorry, Christian." I whisper to him with my head on his shoulder.

"I know." He rubs my back as his other hand holds my bump. "I know."

"I love you, Christian." I tell him. "I never meant to hurt you."

I watch as he swallows hard.

"I know."

It's quiet as we make our way to the hospital. My contractions are stronger than when I had Teddy, but I deserve to be in pain with what I put Christian through.

"I love you too." I hear Christian quietly murmur the words I never expected to hear from him again.

I lift my head from his shoulder to look at him.

"You do?" I look at him with hope as I sniff very unladylike.

"Of course, I do." He tells me.

"Do you think," I wipe my eyes and ignore my next contraction. "I mean with time and some marriage counseling, do you think maybe we can... try again?"

He looks like he's about to tell me no so I continue before he can deny me.

"I'll do anything, Christian, anything you want me to do, I'll do it. Please, please just give us a second chance, give me a chance to fix this. I know I should've never did what I did, that I don't deserve another chance, and I know it will take time, but please, please I'm begging you. I promise you wont regret it."

He opens his mouth and what he says next leaves me speachless.

 **To Be Continued...**


	9. Back To Us

***THIS IS A CHEAT FIC***

 **Apov**

I still feel incredibly horrible about cheating on Christian. We both realized our marriage was missing communication and thankfully Christian decided it was worth it to give us another chance. And needless to say, I'm so glad Christian didn't miss the birth of his beautiful daughter, Miss Phoebe Rose Grey.

I know I should've told Christian how I was feeling, I shouldn't of been unfaithful to him in the first place, but I am fully committed to him, now more than ever. I realize how badly I fucked up, what I lost, and I never want to lose that ever again.

I have no idea what happened to Luke, I can only imagine Christian did something horrible to him. Sometimes I think Christian went old school and hired a hit man or something, my imagination runs wild with thoughts, especially when I saw an obituary for a John Doe that matched Luke's description.

I'm sure it's just my imagination getting the better of me, but I can only hope he's found his happiness.

I now have two CPOs and I'm not to be left alone with either of them. Those where my orders to help Christian breathe easier. One is a male who is gay and the other a female. I'm still not thrilled with security, but it is a lot easier to have two CPOs, especially with two little ones.

We've been going to marriage counseling together and it seems to be helping us.

 _~FLASHBACK~_

 _Today is our first marriage counseling appointment. Flynn recommended us to another therapist that specializes in these types of therapy so we're meeting at her office just a few blocks away from his._

 _I feel my breathing hitch when I see Christian's R8 parked in front of the building._

 _Before I get out of my car, I take a deep cleansing breath to calm my nerves._

I sure hope she can help us _._

 _When I walk into the office waiting area, there he is. He looks so handsome I want to run to him, into his arms, but I know I no longer have that privilege._

 _After I check in with the receptionist I sit next to my estranged husband._

 _We haven't spoken much since I came home from the hospital. He stayed by my side until I gave birth, he even stayed the first night with me, it was almost like we were never broken. And then he brought Teddy back the next day to see his new baby sister before we all went home, well, our separate ways. Christian did help me get settled before he left though._

 _"How's Teddy?" I break the silence first._

 _He's had Teddy for a few weeks while I was healing from childbirth and taking care of our newborn daughter on my own. I still see Teddy and Christian sees Phoebe, though since Phoebe is so little and breastfeeding Christian visits us, he doesn't take her anywhere. Thankfully we no longer exchange Teddy through Christian's parents but we still haven't talked about us. Christian wanted to wait until our session today._

 _"He's fine, with my mother right now." He doesn't look away from his hands that he's playing with when he speaks. "What about Phoebe?"_

 _"She's doing well." I tell him, "She's with Mia at Escala."_

 _Again we only talk about our children, nothing more, nothing about us._

 _"Christian-" I go to tell him I'm sorry for the billionth time, but the door opens and a woman steps out._

 _"Mr. and Mrs. Grey." She calls for us._

 _Together we stand and follow her into her office._

 _"Please have a seat." She gestures to the sofa while she sits opposite in her chair._

 _"As you know, I'm Dr. Melinda Mendoza, everyone just calls me Dr. Mend."_ _She chuckles at her little joke as she picks up her tablet and turns it on, ready to begin._

 _"Dr. Flynn has sent me his notes." She tells us, "First, I would like to say I'm so sorry your lives have been impacted this way, but I want to tell you, a marriage can not only be saved after an affair, it can actually become better with some work. Now, I don't want to minimize the betrayal and the loss of trust that is caused by this act of infidelity, but if you're willing to work and learn why the relationship was vulnerable in the first place, then fixing it, it can actually lead to a stronger, happier marriage."_

 _"Do you really believe that?" I ask her with hope._

 _"I do." She smiles kindly at me._

 _"But-but I cheated." I whisper ashamed of what I've done._

 _"You can't change the past." She tells me. "You can say I should've done this, we could've done that, and yes, it should've happened that way, but the deed is done, you can't change that._ _The truth is, it happens to a lot of marriages, and I've helped many reconcile."_

 _This gives me a bit of hope._

 _"Now, am I right to presume you both want to save your relationship, hence why you are both here today?"_

 _Christian and I both answer, "Yes."_

 _"First and foremost, you have to stop the infidelity. Anastasia, you need to stop any and all contact with... Luke." She tells me after looking at her notes from Flynn to get his name._

 _"I have. I ended it, it- it was just sex." I glance at Christian who looks pained but impassive._

 _"It's rarely about the sex." She corrects me. "It's about getting emotional needs."_

 _I guess she's right, I did have enough sex with Christian, our sex life wasn't lacking. But it wasn't emotional either, I didn't feel anything for Luke. Now I don't know why I did it, I'm so confused._

 _"Let's get started." She tells us, "The first step is a hard one to hear, especially for the injured party, but I'm going to tell you anyway._ Both _of you need to accept some responsibility for the marriage as it exists today."_

 _"No." I quickly shake my head at her. "No, it was all my fault."  
_

 _"That's not true." Christian speaks up. "If I wasn't so controlling, none of this would've happened."_

 _"No, Christian." I hate that he blames himself for this. "I knew you were controlling before we got married, I knew."_

 _"One of you may have stepped over the line," Dr. Mend steps in. "But the marriage was vulnerable because_ both _of you were not connecting, communicating to each other. There is no justifying an affair but both parties play a role in it. Anastasia, if Christian's need for control is what pushed you, that can't continue or it will happen again."_

 _"So what do we do to fix us?" We're completely broken._

 _"_ _The marriage cannot move forward without forgiveness. This is tough for many because they feel to offer forgiveness is to condone what happened. That's not the case. In order for a relationship to be healed, a_ sincere _apology has to happen, and_ true _forgiveness has to be offered. Only then can you move forward."_

 _"That sounds stupid." I complain. "I just say, 'I'm sorry', and it's all better? I've been saying 'sorry' since it happened, it doesn't change anything."_

 _"Anastasia, trust needs to be earned back. Christian needs time to heal, to recover from the hurt and lack of trust the affair caused. It may take awhile, but you need to give him as much time as he needs."_

 _"I just want us back to the way we used to be." I try desperately to hold back my tears._

 _"Your marriage will never be the same again."_

 _"Oh god." I submit to my tears._

I knew it! I knew I ruined it, ruined us, ruined everything _._

 _"I thought you were going to help us?" Christian growls at her as he passes me his monogramed handkerchief._

 _"I am," She says. "It's a good thing your relationship wont be the same as it was because the earlier state of your marriage caused the situation that lead to infidelity. You need to work together to create a new and better marriage. Like I_ _said before, many marriages are much stronger_ after _the affair._ _Being in a successful marriage after an affair_ is _possible."_

 _"Anastasia," She calls to me. "Your marriage doesn't have to be over."_

 _I sniff and nod._

 _Christian rubs my back for support and it's the first time in such a long time that I feel connected with him again. I'm so glad he's willing to give us another chance._

 _"I'm so very sorry." I say again._

 _"Why do you think you were unfaithful to Christian, Anastasia?" I know it's not an actual question, there's nothing to justify what I did, she just wants to know my 'reasoning'._

 _"I don't know, I was stupid, lonely, scared."_

 _"Scared of what?" Dr. Mend asked me._

 _"Of losing him."_

 _"Of losing Christian?" I'm asked to clarify._

 _"Yes." I tell her._

 _"Yet you were unfaithful?" She asks confused. "Do you mind explaining it to me?"_

 _"The first time it just happened. I found out I was pregnant and I expected Christian to be upset with me about it, like he was when I told him I was pregnant with Teddy. I had been crying, I was upset and thinking about everything he said to me, about how he reacted, and I was scared that he_ _would react the same way with our second pregnancy. And then Luke was there..."_

 _"What happened after you had sex with another man?"_

 _"I felt horrible, disgusted with myself. I immediately regretted it, but I knew it was too late."_ _I tell her._ _"I spent hours in the tub, I destroyed the bed and ordered a new one, I was surrounded in darkness and I didn't know what to do. I was blaming Luke for everything but I know it was my fault too. I couldn't tell Christian and the guilt was eating me alive."_

 _"Yet you continued."_

 _"I did." I hang my head._

 _"Tell me why."_

 _"It felt... dangerous, exciting. I liked the thrill of it, nothing more. I've never really done anything_ bad _in my life. He was used for amusement, as harsh as that may sound. I didn't do it to hurt Christian, I love him, I did it because... I guess because I felt so alone... I was isolated, I had nobody but Christian, Teddy, and our staff."_

Gawd I'm the typical housewife cheating on her husband cliché.

 _"How did you feel, Christian, when you found out?"_

 _"Hurt. I thought we had it all, we were happy, our sex life wasn't lacking. I was completely blindsided, I never thought she would cheat on me."_

 _I hate that I've hurt him so much. I wipe my eyes as Christian continues._

 _"Then I started to feel guilty so I started divorce proceedings."_

 _"Why did you feel guilty?" Dr. Mend asks the question for me._

 _"I get off on control, I feel powerful, it's who I am. Before Anastasia, I was use to getting what I want, when I want it. I was, and still am a very selfish man. I've always known I wasn't good enough for her, but I never thought..." He trails off. "I felt like if she wanted out, I'd give her a way out."_

 _"Well, it's obvious you both love each other and you both want your marriage to work, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Your marriage didn't break overnight, it's not going to be fixed overnight either. We need to work on communication, Christian's controlling nature and Anastasia's need for a thrill."_

 _~END OF FLASHBACK~_

We saw Dr. Mend for about a month before she asked us to spend some alone time together.

It was the most uncomfortable thing ever, but as we saw more and more of each other, it became natural again.

I remember when we shared our first kiss and the pain behind it.

 _~FLASHBACK~_

 _Grace is watching our children while Christian and I have our counseling ordered date. It's supposed to be 50/50 effort but I've been putting 100% into this. I don't care what Dr. Mend says, this is all my fault, I shouldn't of slept with another man, I should've talked to my husband. I will do anything and everything I can for Christian to forgive me._

 _Since we don't want to be bothered with paparazzi, I decided to have a picnic in the meadow of our house on the Sound. Christian and Teddy have been staying with Grace and Carrick while the neighbors have their house rebuilt. Phoebe and I have been at Escala._

 _I hate that I tainted the place where Christian and I shared so many firsts, so many memories._

 _As Christian and I sit next to each other on the blanket I look over at the construction site. I can see now why he wouldn't want Teddy near that. He would've loved the trucks coming and going, but it is an eye-sore, not to mention the noise._

 _"They're finished." Christian brings me from my thoughts. This is the most uncomfortable we've ever been with each other. It's our first time alone since IT happened and it's everything I feared it would be. The tension is crazy, I feel it radiating in the air between us, and we haven't spoken much. Dr. Mend said we shouldn't talk about our children so we've been trying to make small talk all night._

 _"Teddy and I will move back here next weekend."_

 _"That's good." I tell him, not really sure what to say. "I'm sure he'll like that."_

 _We're both quiet again, both not knowing what to say. I feel like I should apologize again, but a billion apologizes wont change what I've done._

 _It's almost time to pick up the kids so we begin to clean up. This 'date' was a disaster._

 _Christian helps me fold the blanket we were sitting on and as we step closer to each other I really want to kiss him. But I don't dare initiate it._

 _Christian looks torn, almost like he's in pain, before he leans down and presses his lips to mine, completely shocking me._

 _Suddenly, before I know it, his are lips ripped from mine._

 _"I'm sorry," He croaks out. "I can't."_

 _I look down, ashamed but understanding why he can't._

 _"I know," I ruined us._

 _Without looking at Christian, I take the dishes into the kitchen, leaving him in the meadow._

 _I try to hold back my tears, I deserve this but it's so painful._

 _After I clean the dishes, I wander around our... our home._

 _I make my way into Christian's office._

 _It's dark, the sun setting is the only light in the room because the curtains are open._

 _As I walk in, my eyes land on the photos José took of me that Christian bought. We were broken then and we somehow found our way back to each other. Granted, his indiscretion was a misdemeanor that I initiated. This, what I've done, is far worse._

 _I stop at our wedding photo. We both look so happy; Christian and I are dancing while we stare into each others eyes. I want that back._

Will we ever get that back?

 _The door cracks open. I know Christian has entered the room, but I don't move._

 _I feel him standing behind me._

 _I still have my hand on the photo when Christian puts his on top of mine._

 _"I'm sorry," I hear him say._

 _I quickly turn around,_

 _"No, Christian," I tell him sternly. I don't care what Dr. Mend says, "Don't apologize. It's my fault, I did this, I ruined us."_

 _"You didn't do it alone."_

 _"Listen to me," I hold his head between my hands so he's forced to look at me. "What happened was not your fault so don't think that it was. I should've told you I felt like I was suffocating. I messed up. Big time. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I know how you felt because I thought about being in your shoes, and just imagining how it made me sick to my stomach. And yet, I did it anyway. I can't tell you why I continued it, anything I say is inexcusable. I can't tell you how sorry I am, no matter how many times I say the word, it's insignificant. What I can tell you is, I will do anything, anything for you to see passed my mistake. I would gladly take any punishment you gave me, killing me wouldn't hurt this bad."_

 _"You'd really let me punish you?" His eyes search mine._

 _"Yes." I honestly tell him. "I would take the bite of that belt again and again just so you would forgive me. And I don't mean that to say you have to forgive me if you punish me. I want to be punished, I deserve to be punished, even if you don't forgive me."_

 _~END OF FLASHBACK~_

That night Christian told Grace we'd be late to get the kids and he drove us to Escala. I thought he was going to take me into the Red Room but he walked towards our bedroom instead. I was confused, but then I knew what he was doing.

 _~FLASHBACK~_

 _"Wait here." He tells me then leaves me alone in our room._

 _Even though it's new, I really hate that bed. It may not even be the bed, but the vibe this room gives off._

 _"I don't have that belt anymore, Anastasia," Christian tells me when he returns. "_ _I cut it up and threw it away."_

 _I'm a little surprised that I don't see some sort of torture device in his hand, just what looks like a pair of panties. It confuses me._

 _"Put these on." He hands the panties to me._

 _They feel heavier than they should and there's some sort of thing in the crotch part._

 _"It's a vibrator." He explains when he sees me looking at it._

 _I quickly take off my dress, so I'm only wearing my bra and panties. After I take off my underwear I put the new panties on. They feel strange, heavy._

 _Christian hands me one of his T-shirts to cover my body so I put it on as well, then he pulls something out of his pocket and holds it up for me to see._

 _"It's a remote." He tells me clicking a button._

 _"Ah!" I cry out in surprise when my panties vibrate against my clit on full blast._

 _Christian turns it off just as quickly as he turned it on._

 _"You are not to cum." He tells me sternly, gritting it out between his teeth, fire blazing in his eyes. "I control your pleasure. Only. Me."_

 _"Yes... sir?" I'm not sure if he wants me to address him as such but he is acting like a Dom so I feel I should._

 _"Bend over the bed." He demands as he unbuckles the belt he's wearing._

 _~END OF FLASHBACK~_

He reminded me I could stop him at anytime before he began but I willingly took my punishment, as painful and uncomfortable as it was.

He spanked me with his belt, much harder than the first time he hit me, all while he had the vibrator on full blast. It was a mix of pleasure and pain for me, and when my body naturally tried to release Christian would stop the vibrator completely, only to start again once I was calm. My ass has never been so red.

After he finished we both fell to the floor and cried as we held each other.

We didn't have sex that night, my punishment had nothing to do with sexual gratification. And no, he did _not_ abuse me, I had the power to stop him.

We sold Escala, we didn't want to erase our memories there but they were tainted now. We bought a different Penthouse apartment that we can build new memories in.

* * *

After we, became friendly so to speak, she advised us to spend time together as a family. Teddy really loved that.

We stayed in most days, since Phoebe was so little we didn't want the paparazzi bothering us. I've stayed at the house on the Sound with Christian and Teddy a few nights and after the children were asleep Christian and I would talk more and more about us, not just our babies.

Our communication is so much better, Christian isn't so demanding, I speak up more. We even finally kissed, a real genuine kiss. Our love for each other is still there, the forgiveness is beginning, so now we're working on trust and communication with Dr. Mend's help.

I still remember the day Christian finally let me move back home permanently instead of just sleeping over. It was about year after what happened. Teddy was now 3, Phoebe was about 6 months. Since she was older we finally took both children out instead of just Teddy.

We were playing with Teddy at the park, I had Phoebe in my wrap since she was sleeping so I just carried her around.

 _~FLASHBACK~_

 _"Teddy, not too far." I call out as he goes further and further into the open field to chase the bugs. His birthday party was bug themed, the most uncomfortable thing ever, eating a "spider" cake, but the chocolate covered pretzel legs were neat. And he loved it._

 _We had his party at our house instead of the Greys', Christian wanted me to be more comfortable. I never told him about his parents reaction to what happened, or how I thought they were trying to make me think he moved on. I don't speak to Kate as often as I used to either, so the party was uncomfortable no matter where it was held. I know it will take time for everyone to forgive._

 _As well as helping us as a couple, Dr. Mend has been helping me with solo sessions. Christian still sees Flynn alone as well, he's working on his controlling issues with him._

 _"Mama, look!" Teddy squeals with excitement, bringing me from my thoughts._

Oh god! What did he find?

 _"I don't think mommy wants to see that one, buddy." Christian laughed at my discomfort. He's right behind Teddy._

 _Suddenly Christian looked serious._

 _"We have to go." He said._

 _"Why?" I ask instead of agreeing.  
_

 _"The paps have showed up," He tells me as he picks up Teddy._

 _I look back at Taylor, Prescott and Reynolds, all walking our way._

 _There are a few people with cameras scattered about. Luckily they haven't heard about our marital problems, however, they know we have a new baby. We've released a family photo to the press but they've yet to photograph her paparazzi style. She's six months old and we've somehow managed to keep her away from the media. We don't want them to mob us like they did with Teddy so we've been keeping her away from the public eye. Today is our first outing with her since she is a bit older._

 _"Christian." I look back at him worried._

 _"I know, baby." He uses the term of endearment that he hasn't used with me since before..._

 _"Take Teddy." Christian said as he hands him to Prescott. "Give me Phoebe." He tells me._

 _He helps me hold her while I unhook her wrap from around my body. She's still sleeping but she knows her daddy has her. She makes an uncomfortable face at not having boobs as her pillow anymore before getting comfortable again and dozing back off to sleep._

 _Christian nods to Prescott and she hands Teddy over to me._

 _"Let's go." He orders everyone._

 _Together, with my family in the middle of our security, we walk towards the SUVs._

 _Luckily we make it with them not getting a clear photo of our children._

 _I climb in the back with Teddy on my lap before putting him in his seat. I turn back to Christian who is still holding Phoebe and take her from him to put her in her seat._

 _Christian drove us here but now he's riding shotgun while Taylor drives us. Ryan and Prescott drive the second SUV and follow us._

 _I'm sitting behind Christian and I can see his jaw clenching with anger. The paps have always bothered him because he's 'just a businessman' and I know he wants to say a few hateful things about them ruining our day but wont with our children in the car within earshot._

 _I lean forward and put my hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. He reaches up and gently squeezes my hand in response, then he kisses my knuckles before holding my hand and letting my knuckles caress his stubbly cheek._

 _"Come home." He mumbled the words, I could just barely hear him. I almost think it's my mind playing tricks on me._

 _Maybe he's asking if Phoebe and I will stay the night. I usually sleep in a spare bedroom when we have sleepovers._

 _"What?" I lean forward more so Teddy can't hear us._

 _"Come back to me, baby." He turns to face me, he looks so sincere. "I miss you, I miss us."_

 _"We still need to work on our relationship." I remind him._

 _"And we will." He agrees. "I'm asking you, Anastasia, come home."_

 _He's not so much asking as he is telling, but that's my Fifty. He'll always have that need to control, it wont go away, but he has backed off more than he was before. And at least he_ is _'asking' instead of just doing it without telling me. I've been wanting to come home for awhile now but Dr. Mend said it had to be Christian's decision._

 _"Okay."_

 _His breathtaking smile does exactly as it's described._

 _~END OF FLASHBACK~_

* * *

Christian has been more forthcoming with me, he hasn't been so controlling either, only when we play. I was so scared to lose him that I just let him dictate my life, and then I did the worst thing imaginable, the most unforgivable act. I still regret it to this day.

I moved back into the house on the Sound and we've been happier, healthier, and stronger together. I have been completely faithful to Christian, giving him all my love, and he's learned to trust me again. Our children don't have to grow up in spilt households or separate holidays between their parents.

Our life is not what it was before, but I feel it's better than it was.

Christian still doesn't like when men look at me, however, he doesn't forbid me from going anywhere anymore. I'm no longer isolated, I don't feel trapped. Though it is a lot harder to run in the parks now with two little ones so I mostly exercise at home when I have free time.

I'm so glad we're back home.

I know I should've never did what I did, but it has made us stronger. I wish I would've told Christian how I was feeling and worked out our problems without having an affair, but what's done is done, there's no changing it. I will be forever thankful that Christian forgave me. He's the most amazing man ever.

I love him, I will always love him, and I will always regret my moment of weakness even though it made us stronger.

 **The End**

* * *

 **Thank you to those who read and reviewed.  
Sorry it sucked, I've never written anything like this before.  
I'm so glad this story is over, I didn't like it and it was difficult to write.  
**

 **Until Laters,  
{SdaisyS}**


End file.
